Every day, I meet women who don’t really, truly love themselves. In fact, by my own estimate, nearly 99% of women don’t.

Whether you are single and actively dating, have taken a pause because of the pandemic, work long hours, support needy friends or family, are in a difficult relationship, are overwhelmed by the impact that Covid has had on your life, or are a mother busy with childcare, there is a very good chance that you have forgotten to take care of yourself.

If any of the above are true, there’s a high likelihood that you will struggle with thyroid issues, constant fatigue, lowered immunity, dissatisfying relationships, sexual trauma, illness in your sexual organs, lack of financial abundance, low self-worth, a feeling of victim-hood… the list goes on.

This is depressing, given that girls and women are the most loving, strongest, giving people on this planet. We give birth to life, take care of others, infuse our homes and the world with beauty, are constantly multi-tasking and outperform our male peers in both school and work.

We are fiercely loving, powerful beings. And yet, the feminine is dying inside.

I’ve seen this in bright-eyed, beautiful, little girls – and I feel sad to know that over time, they will lose their confidence. (According to research, nearly 86% of girls struggle with low self-worth.)

This is the result of being in a Wounded Patriarchal system, which we have all been born into. Don’t worry. Men struggle with similar, but different issues.

You have a choice now to leave this system, slowly and steadily and start regaining control of your life. Start living a life of grace, wonder and healthy love.

As a women, you need to be reawakened to your Goddess self – recognizing how powerful and radiant you are – and that you can have ANYTHING you want (without struggle) if you love yourself, completely and unapologetically. 

The way you love yourself is the way others love you.

This is what I stand for, with myself and sisters in my tribe.

What is Self-Love?

Whenever I ask someone if they love themselves, they say, “Yeah, I pamper myself!  I go to the spa, do bubble baths, get a mani/pedi regularly.”

I swear – this is the answer I get!

Self-Love is not just about taking care of your appearance. It’s about taking care of your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. It’s a journey of releasing old conditioning and healing yourself, to finally reach a point of True Self and Authenticity. 

When you fill your own cup first before giving to others, instead of feeling resentful, overwhelmed or guilty, as one normally does when they’re stretched, you feel radiant and joyful.

Through Self-Love, you start to align your life with one that feels natural, balanced, loving – you feel whole and integrated – and are connected to your intuition, inner fire and a sense of unconditional love. Compassion, wisdom and grace become second nature for you.

The right relationships, jobs, homes, begin to flow to you.

You learn how to BE more, and DO less. You become a Magnet for Love.

Doesn’t this sound amazing?

Or do you feel skeptical, like it’s too good to be true?

Maybe there’s a part of you that knows that Self-Love takes focus, effort and discipline – a sense of responsibility for yourself. And you feel lazy, or too burned out already.

Or, you may have to experience some discomfort. For instance, making tough decisions of letting go of a current job or relationship, or letting go of conditioning that comes second nature to you, or healing spiritual blocks that you don’t want to face.

All are true. Self-Love will shake up your world, challenge you, and take you out of victim-hood. It will also make you stronger, healthier, and open up new possibilities.

You must make a choice. Either go with how things are, currently – or begin to practice Self-Love.

How to Love Yourself

When you love yourself…

… You treat yourself as a beloved. You practice acceptance, love, intimacy and forgiveness with yourself

… You have spaciousness and tools to support your emotional health, become more connected to yourself, and release your emotional baggage

… You release negative self-talk, and begin to heal your mind. You stop seeking validation and approval from others

… You care for your soul and what she needs, whether it’s meditation, yoga, self-reflection, healing spiritual blocks, creativity

… You love, accept and care for your body, owning it’s sacredness. You observe the conditions that are optimal to help your body thrive

… You set healthy boundaries with others and begin to release toxic, codependent relationships

… You observe your conditioning, setting an intention to release inner wounds that keep you gridlocked in your current situation

Imagine what you could create with that kind of inner foundation! And remember, loves begins with you!

The post Love Begins with You appeared first on First Date Stories.

Your body is a magnificent storehouse of wisdom, magic, love, sensuality, divine connection and so much more. She is your beloved, and has fifty two trillion cells, each cell being conscious and alive. She is the gift your spirit has been given to experience this magnificent life.

But your body needs your love and care. Recent months have unleashed an unanticipated wave of stress, uncertainty and outrage. She yearns for your attention, compassion and touch to help her cope and rejuvenate. She’s tired of being abandoned – let alone from others – but most of all from you.

During this pandemic, we’ve been given the special gift of time for simply focusing on what matters.

Take the time to talk to your body, asking her for what she needs.

As a mother would take care of her child, constantly asking herself (or her little one), “Darling, what are you needing? Do you need to sleep? Do you want to cry? Do you want to simply play? What kind of food will nourish your tiny, beautiful body?” She plays with her child, caresses her hair, and calls her sweetheart.

That’s what your body wants from you. She doesn’t want to be abandoned anymore. She wants to know that you’re there for her, always. As her mother, father, lover, sister.

Be in tune with your body, taking all the time in the world, as if nothing else matters.

What foods does she like and nourish her? What kind of rest and exercise is soothing for nervous system? What relationships and activities energize versus drain her? What stimulation does she need, or does she just need quiet and still? What kind of spiritual or self-care practices make her feel whole and grounded?

It may actually be a lot different from the life you’re living today. We’re so used to living for others, and being preoccupied by our work and relationships.

Yet when you develop this kind of intimate relationship with your body, you become a radiant Love Goddess.

Slowly, you will heal old abandonment wounds, and you will truly begin to feel a divine connection with your body and soul. You will develop a strong intuition and inner compass that will help guide you through this world, versus relying on others’ opinions and validation. You’ll become more confident about asking for what you need and your cup will feel full.

You’ll even attract a partner who will not abandon you. After all, your world is your mirror, and the way you love yourself is how others will love you.

A Simple, Powerful Meditation

Here’s a meditation you can do each morning, to tune into your body:

1. Take ten, slow inhales and exhales, focusing on your breath.
2. Bring your attention to your heart. Thank her for her presence, love and wisdom, and all the other life-giving gifts she brings.
3. Ask her for what she wants and needs.
4. Then, go to the different parts of your body, starting from your head, down to your feet, bringing your awareness, having gratitude for each part for their role, and asking for what the body part needs.

This can last 15 minutes, or you can turn it into a whole one hour meditation! I love this meditation. For bonus points, you can add the healing power of touch – touch each body part while doing the practice.

Be there for whatever feelings arise. In the beginning, you might feel a sense of joy or maybe some grief, because your body is finally getting what you’ve been missing your whole life. Don’t abandon your feelings, simply be there and validate them.

Your body will finally get what it’s been longing for your whole life – your presence and attention. And a knowing that you won’t be abandoned anymore.

Because you deserve it, Love Goddess.

The post Taking Care of You appeared first on First Date Stories.

Your body is a magnificent storehouse of wisdom, magic, love, sensuality, divine connection and so much more. She is your beloved, and has fifty two trillion cells, each cell being conscious and alive. She is the gift your spirit has been given to experience this magnificent life.

But your body needs your love and care. She yearns for your attention, compassion and touch. She’s tired of being abandoned – let alone from others – but most of all from you.

Take the time to talk to your body, asking her for what she needs. 

As a mother would take care of her child, constantly asking herself (or her little one), “Darling, what are you needing? Do you need to sleep? Do you want to cry? Do you want to simply play? What kind of food will nourish your tiny, beautiful body?” She plays with her child, caresses her hair, and calls her sweetheart.

That’s what your body wants from you. She doesn’t want to be abandoned anymore. She wants to know that you’re there for her, always. As her mother, father, lover, sister.

Be in tune with your body, taking all the time in the world, as if nothing else matters.

What foods does she like and nourish her? What kind of rest and exercise is soothing for nervous system? What relationships and activities energize versus drain her? What stimulation does she need, or does she just need quiet and still? What kind of spiritual or self-care practices make her feel whole and grounded?

It may actually be a lot different from the life you’re living today. We’re so used to living for others, and being preoccupied by our work and relationships.

Yet when you develop this kind of intimate relationship with your body, you become a radiant Love Goddess.

Slowly, you will heal old abandonment wounds, and you will truly begin to feel a divine connection with your body and soul. You will develop a strong intuition and inner compass that will help guide you through this world, versus relying on others’ opinions and validation. You’ll become more confident about asking for what you need and your cup will feel full.

You’ll even attract a partner who will not abandon you. After all, your world is your mirror, and the way you love yourself is how others will love you.

Here’s a meditation you can do each morning to tune into your body:

1. Take ten, slow inhales and exhales, focusing on your breath.
2. Bring your attention to your heart. Thank her for her presence, love and wisdom, and all the other life-giving gifts she brings.
3. Ask her for what she wants and needs.
4. Then, go to the different parts of your body, starting from your head, down to your feet, bringing your awareness, having gratitude for each part for their role, and asking for what the body part needs.

This can last 15 minutes, or you can turn it into a whole one hour meditation! I love this meditation. For bonus points, you can add the healing power of touch – touch each body part while doing the practice.

Be there for whatever feelings arise. In the beginning, you might feel a sense of joy or maybe some grief, because your body is finally getting what you’ve been missing your whole life. Don’t abandon your feelings, simply be there and validate them.

Your body will finally get what it’s been longing for your whole life – your presence and attention. And a knowing that you won’t be abandoned anymore.

Because you deserve it, Love Goddess.

The post A Gift to Yourself appeared first on First Date Stories.

… “There are no good men left.”
…”All the men left are gay or strange.”
… “I’m too old/fat/over-accomplished/uninteresting/[fill in the blank].”
…”All men want is one thing.”
…”There must be something wrong with him if he likes me.”
… “There must be something wrong with me if I’m single.”
… “I’m destined to be single.”

The number of negative thoughts that pervade our thoughts about love is incomprehensible. These thoughts bring us down, keep us single and ruin relationships.

If we’re not conscious about our thought patterns, then we definitely won’t attract or keep healthy love. The only way out of negative thinking when you’re single is by changing your attitude to life. Attitude is everything!

I invite you to write this out on a card and keep it near your bed or computer.:

“My life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”

Your attitude determines how you react to life’s situations, and what thoughts you have.

When you’re single, have gone through difficult breakups, or are stuck in painful relationship patterns, it’s super hard to have a positive attitude. I get it. Which is even more the reason why I’m reminding you of the inner work needed to create the love life you deserve.

You deserve a healthy, conscious, joyful relationship with the partner of your dreams. But YOU must make a stand for your attitude – that’s work you have to do. When you have a good attitude, all your thoughts, words and actions become positively aligned with what you want to create.

How do you start developing a healthy attitude about your love life?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Meditate every morning. I’m a firm believer that meditation is the cornerstone for transforming our inner darkness into wisdom and love. Meditation can be hugely transformative.

⇒ Here’s a 20-minute meditation I’ve created as a gift, which you can use every morning.

You can get a Rose Quartz crystal, and place it in your hand or heart, while you meditate. Rose quartz is my favorite stone for increasing love and open-heartedness.

2. Say positive affirmations. I love affirmations because they remind us of our highest potential. Plus, the words in affirmations have positive vibrations, and it starts programming our subconscious to start filtering in positive experiences.

⇒ Here are some affirmations (my gift to you!) that you can do every morning. First Date Stories also has some wonderful Dating Affirmations for you to take to heart and embrace.

3. Reframe your life events in a positive light.The stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves are powerful in creating our reality, and determining our attitude. This is an important tool for dealing with negative thinking.

For instance:

“I haven’t met my soulmate” ⇒ “I haven’t met my soulmate, yet” (acknowledging that there’s still possibility)

“I am doomed to be single” ⇒ “I am single and am creating the conditions for a healthy, loving partnership with myself and my future mate. The universe has my back and wants me to be happy. Plus I choose to not settle in my love life.” (acknowledging that partnership is a work in progress – and it’s better to be single than in a painful relationship)

“I can’t believe the relationship’s over!” ⇒ “The relationship wasn’t meant to work, and one or both of us were suffering. I’m open to a healthy relationship and am committed to doing the inner work to not recreate painful patterns.”

“I am so mad at myself for what’s going on in my love life” ⇒ “I love and accept myself. Everything’s flowing according to divine timing.” (Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is the most powerful tool for healing and creating a positive mindset)

“There are no more good men out there” ⇒ “Just like me, there’s a loving, kind, relationship-oriented man out there, who is the right partner for me. There is an abundance of kind-hearted men. Plus, all it takes is one!”

4. Serve others and practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and generosity every day. The world is our mirror. The kind of love that you practice in the world is the kind of love you will attract back to yourself.

I have found that gratitude is the most powerful way to shift a lack-mindset into one of abundance.

Also, service and kindness aligns us to our deepest desires – to be loving, and live in a love-filled, connected world. When we practice kindness and service to ourselves and others, we get connected to the universal energy of love, and we transcend our hardships and limiting beliefs, and even encounter miracles.

Over time, our attitude changes to one of greater harmony, trust, faith and love.

5. Get a love/life/relationship coach.  A coach will keep you focused on the goals you have while making sure that your self-doubt and fear doesn’t get in the way. Dating and love can be filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Without the right support, you can become disheartened or even depressed.

Creating a loving and abundant mindset takes real work, but in my opinion, has the greatest payoff. A loving mindset and healthy attitude WILL get you on the right track for attracting a healthy, loving relationship and creating the life you want.

A coach believes in your greatest potential, and won’t let your negative thoughts get in the way. He/she will help you face your inner demons and keep you on the path to success through skills and mentoring.

As a love coach and spiritual mentor, the greatest transformation I have encountered in my clients is their empowered attitude to their love life. With this level of self-confidence, they can take on anything – and are able to attract loving relationships on their terms.

The post How to Deal with Negative Thinking When You’re Single appeared first on First Date Stories.

Dear Angela,

A time for new beginnings, January provides the opportunity to look at yourself with a fresh perspective: to continue what’s working, re-examine what’s not, and implement new strategies designed to support where you want to go next.

It’s the perfect moment to ask yourself wisdom-revealing questions such as:

• Who am I when I’m my best self?
• What am I proud of?
• What am I grateful for?
• How can I bring more joy into my life?
• What do I need to do for my self-care?
• What truly nourishes my body and soul?
• What (and who) is draining my energy?
• What is enough for me?
• What is my heart truly yearning for?

With these valuable self-discoveries, you can then put them into practice, setting intentions that will guide your actions purposefully. Pick a theme for the year that underscores your intentions as a friendly reminder of what you want for yourself. It is helpful to create a framework to map out your daily habits, short and long-term goals.

Let’s talk about those daily habits. Choose 10. From the moment you awaken, what easy, simple practices will make you smile and fortify you throughout the day? Please make yourself a priority even if life around you is pulling you off course. Try these or invent your own:

• While still in bed, stretch from your toes to your nose.
• Give yourself a huge hug.
• Take three deep cleansing breaths.
• List three goals for your day.
• Look out your window and observe nature.
• Use aromatherapy. Inhale peppermint oil to stimulate your senses.
• Light a candle.
• Meditate
• Listen to your favorite song or make a morning playlist.
• Take a longer bath or shower.
• Drink a steamy cup of tea or coffee.
• If you can, make time for yoga, a walk outside, or a visit to the gym.

And where there’s celebration, there are gifts, starting with YOU. Take a moment to acknowledge yourself and accept yourself where you are right now. The present is perfect even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

Lastly, what gifts can you give yourself that will start the New Year with you as its focus? A nurturing massage, a transformative retreat, taking a class/learning a new skill, partnering with a helping professional, finding a hangout where you can meet new friends?

Whatever it is, you deserve it all. May this be your happiest of New Years yet.

The post Jumpstarting You appeared first on First Date Stories.

But what happens to the Self when in service to the needs of others? While potentially gratifying, it is a delicate balancing act to be a giver without prioritizing your unmet needs, the distinction between Selfish and selfish.

To be Selfish is to fill your well, to be the first to breathe the oxygen, to have a self-care routine that nurtures the mind and body and heart, to step beyond your comfort zone and try something new. It’s about being honest, asking deep questions that reveal personal truths. It’s about being open and explicit so that others can give you exactly what you need and when you need it.

To be Selfish is knowing how to feel worthy, welcomed, heard, uplifted, confident, rooted, inspired, mindful, flowing, powerful, supported, celebrated. It’s about accepting your full package, even the parts that need work.

It’s about being in the most intimate of relationships, bathing in self-love before freely bestowing it upon others. There is nothing more appealing than a woman who honors herself, who embodies enoughness.

There is freedom that comes with enoughness-an acceptance of reality, a rendering of others’ perceptions as irrelevant, of not having to fit into molds, or meeting (or not meeting) expectations. It’s the piece that’s necessary before entering into relationships with others, before risking vulnerability and trust.

It’s about carefully listening to your herstory, the one you tell yourself and others, and knowing if it’s still the one that serves you. And if it’s not, what is your new narrative that’s consistent with your vision and the roadmap to being the woman that the world is waiting to greet?

It’s about embracing yourself as an awesome single woman, fully engaged in a meaningful life of your creation. You decide who’s in your innermost circle. You make things happen. You heal.

If, or when, you choose to put yourself out there again, you re-emerge with a confidence that shines from the inside out, ready to try on new relationships, welcoming commitment.

Congratulations. Your time has come.

Researcher and author Brené Brown writes in her blog On Midlife,

“There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”

For those times when enoughness doesn’t feel like enough, Selfish is building a support team of your choosing to provide you with resources, strength and wisdom uniquely tailored to your needs. And sometimes, a bright new lipstick or cozy sweater is just enough, too. Always remember that you are enough!

The post You’re Enough appeared first on First Date Stories.

Studies have shown that people will settle for less in a relationship for fear of being single.¹ Researchers characterize the fear of being single as “…entailing concern, anxiety, or distress regarding the current or prospective experience of being without a romantic partner”.¹ This distress can be experienced by people not in relationships and those who are currently in one, but worry about their stability or question its longevity. While most research has focused on this anxiety in women, researchers note that both men and women may experience discomfort when it comes to singledom because both sexes have an intrinsic need to find and maintain intimate relationships.¹

How do they know this? Researchers conducted a series of studies, through which they developed the “Fear of Being Single Scale.” They found that individuals with stronger fears were more likely to lower their standards, both in their current relationships, and when selecting new mates.¹ In addition, higher scores on their scale “…predicted greater dependence in less satisfying relationships”.¹ The more fear a person had, the less likely they would be to end a relationship that they were in, even when they were not satisfied.

What Does This Mean for You?

Women and men who fear being alone may stay in unfulfilling relationships or may be quick to rush into relationships that are not ideal. They’re putting the importance of their relationship status over the relationship itself, which is very problematic.

It is important to be cognizant of any anxiety you have about being single. Recognizing this may prevent you from making a hasty decision and settling for less than you desire and deserve.

Being single should not be viewed negatively. In fact, there are many benefits to being single. Many singles experience more autonomy and personal growth than those who are married.² Being single enables people to spend more time maintaining close connections with others. Research has also shown that singles maintain greater contact with their friends, neighbors, siblings, and parents than their married counterparts.³ Single people are able to maintain strong bonds in other areas of their lives.

Remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. The mistake is to give in to societal pressures to be in a relationship or to settle for less than you deserve. Most of all, don’t compare yourself to others in relationships. Instead, value and enjoy the freedoms and meaningful connections that you currently have in your life.

This article is excerpted from a post on Psychology Today.

References

¹Spielmann, S. S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J. A., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., & Impett, E. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(6), 1049-1073.

²Marks, N. F., & Lambert, J. D. (1998). Marital status continuity and change among young and midlife adults: Longitudinal effects on psychological well-being. Journal of Family Issues, 19(6), 652-686.

³Sarkisian, N., & Gerstel, N. (2016). Does singlehood isolate or integrate? Examining the link between marital status and ties to kin, friends, and neighbors. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(3), 361-384.

The post Don’t Settle. Be Single and Proud! appeared first on First Date Stories.

Hi Anne,

First, congratulate yourself for making self-care a priority. Then look in the mirror at your beautiful self, smile and take a few deep breaths, then find a way to keep your daughter occupied so you can have some dedicated you time.

If you don’t already have a meditation practice, try this simple exercise while standing or sitting: on the inhale, breathe in a positive word of choice [peace, energy, joy, love, fun, freedom, sexy, relaxation, ocean…] and exhale your challenge [stress, fear, anxiety, doubt, pain, baggage…] Close your eyes, concentrate and repeat for one minute or until you feel a sense of release.

Recite a mantra, an affirmation repeated to inspire and motivate you and focus your mind. Write it down on post-it notes and put them in places to remind you again and again of your intention. For example, “I am ready to….”

If you can, take a bath sprinkled with lavender essential oil for further de-stressing. If you cannot, dabbing a few drops of oil on your wrists and inhaling deeply works magic too. Lighting a candle is another good way signal to yourself that this is your sacred time.

Listening to the perfect playlist will also help get you into your desired frame of mind. Do you want to feel blissed out, sultry or radiating happiness? Search for the songs that suit your mood. Walking on Sunshine? Yoga chants? Feelin’ Love by Paula Cole is downright steamy.

Knowing what you will be wearing ahead of time can also relieve some pressure. Pick out a few outfits the night before to give yourself easy options when it’s time to dress for your date. Keep your wardrobe in ready-to-wear condition––clean, well-fitting and stylish––so you have go-to items that make you feel confident.

If you’re still not in your happy place, perhaps a glass of wine will take you there. Be mindful of moderation so that you show up being your very best self. Cheers!

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