How to Deal with Negative Thinking When You’re Single

Do these thoughts ever cross your mind?…

… “There are no good men left.”
…”All the men left are gay or strange.”
… “I’m too old/fat/over-accomplished/uninteresting/[fill in the blank].”
…”All men want is one thing.”
…”There must be something wrong with him if he likes me.”
… “There must be something wrong with me if I’m single.”
… “I’m destined to be single.”

The number of negative thoughts that pervade our thoughts about love is incomprehensible. These thoughts bring us down, keep us single and ruin relationships.

If we’re not conscious about our thought patterns, then we definitely won’t attract or keep healthy love. The only way out of negative thinking when you’re single is by changing your attitude to life. Attitude is everything!

I invite you to write this out on a card and keep it near your bed or computer.:

“My life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”

Your attitude determines how you react to life’s situations, and what thoughts you have.

When you’re single, have gone through difficult breakups, or are stuck in painful relationship patterns, it’s super hard to have a positive attitude. I get it. Which is even more the reason why I’m reminding you of the inner work needed to create the love life you deserve.

You deserve a healthy, conscious, joyful relationship with the partner of your dreams. But YOU must make a stand for your attitude – that’s work you have to do. When you have a good attitude, all your thoughts, words and actions become positively aligned with what you want to create.

How do you start developing a healthy attitude about your love life?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Meditate every morning. I’m a firm believer that meditation is the cornerstone for transforming our inner darkness into wisdom and love. Meditation can be hugely transformative.

⇒ Here’s a 20-minute meditation I’ve created as a gift, which you can use every morning.

You can get a Rose Quartz crystal, and place it in your hand or heart, while you meditate. Rose quartz is my favorite stone for increasing love and open-heartedness.

2. Say positive affirmations. I love affirmations because they remind us of our highest potential. Plus, the words in affirmations have positive vibrations, and it starts programming our subconscious to start filtering in positive experiences.

⇒ Here are some affirmations (my gift to you!) that you can do every morning. First Date Stories also has some wonderful Dating Affirmations for you to take to heart and embrace.

3. Reframe your life events in a positive light.The stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves are powerful in creating our reality, and determining our attitude. This is an important tool for dealing with negative thinking.

For instance:

“I haven’t met my soulmate” ⇒ “I haven’t met my soulmate, yet” (acknowledging that there’s still possibility)

“I am doomed to be single” ⇒ “I am single and am creating the conditions for a healthy, loving partnership with myself and my future mate. The universe has my back and wants me to be happy. Plus I choose to not settle in my love life.” (acknowledging that partnership is a work in progress – and it’s better to be single than in a painful relationship)

“I can’t believe the relationship’s over!” ⇒ “The relationship wasn’t meant to work, and one or both of us were suffering. I’m open to a healthy relationship and am committed to doing the inner work to not recreate painful patterns.”

“I am so mad at myself for what’s going on in my love life” ⇒ “I love and accept myself. Everything’s flowing according to divine timing.” (Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is the most powerful tool for healing and creating a positive mindset)

“There are no more good men out there” ⇒ “Just like me, there’s a loving, kind, relationship-oriented man out there, who is the right partner for me. There is an abundance of kind-hearted men. Plus, all it takes is one!”

4. Serve others and practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and generosity every day. The world is our mirror. The kind of love that you practice in the world is the kind of love you will attract back to yourself.

I have found that gratitude is the most powerful way to shift a lack-mindset into one of abundance.

Also, service and kindness aligns us to our deepest desires – to be loving, and live in a love-filled, connected world. When we practice kindness and service to ourselves and others, we get connected to the universal energy of love, and we transcend our hardships and limiting beliefs, and even encounter miracles.

Over time, our attitude changes to one of greater harmony, trust, faith and love.

5. Get a love/life/relationship coach.  A coach will keep you focused on the goals you have while making sure that your self-doubt and fear doesn’t get in the way. Dating and love can be filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Without the right support, you can become disheartened or even depressed.

Creating a loving and abundant mindset takes real work, but in my opinion, has the greatest payoff. A loving mindset and healthy attitude WILL get you on the right track for attracting a healthy, loving relationship and creating the life you want.

A coach believes in your greatest potential, and won’t let your negative thoughts get in the way. He/she will help you face your inner demons and keep you on the path to success through skills and mentoring.

As a love coach and spiritual mentor, the greatest transformation I have encountered in my clients is their empowered attitude to their love life. With this level of self-confidence, they can take on anything – and are able to attract loving relationships on their terms.

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