Every day, I meet women who don’t really, truly love themselves. In fact, by my own estimate, nearly 99% of women don’t.

Whether you are single and actively dating, have taken a pause because of the pandemic, work long hours, support needy friends or family, are in a difficult relationship, are overwhelmed by the impact that Covid has had on your life, or are a mother busy with childcare, there is a very good chance that you have forgotten to take care of yourself.

If any of the above are true, there’s a high likelihood that you will struggle with thyroid issues, constant fatigue, lowered immunity, dissatisfying relationships, sexual trauma, illness in your sexual organs, lack of financial abundance, low self-worth, a feeling of victim-hood… the list goes on.

This is depressing, given that girls and women are the most loving, strongest, giving people on this planet. We give birth to life, take care of others, infuse our homes and the world with beauty, are constantly multi-tasking and outperform our male peers in both school and work.

We are fiercely loving, powerful beings. And yet, the feminine is dying inside.

I’ve seen this in bright-eyed, beautiful, little girls – and I feel sad to know that over time, they will lose their confidence. (According to research, nearly 86% of girls struggle with low self-worth.)

This is the result of being in a Wounded Patriarchal system, which we have all been born into. Don’t worry. Men struggle with similar, but different issues.

You have a choice now to leave this system, slowly and steadily and start regaining control of your life. Start living a life of grace, wonder and healthy love.

As a women, you need to be reawakened to your Goddess self – recognizing how powerful and radiant you are – and that you can have ANYTHING you want (without struggle) if you love yourself, completely and unapologetically. 

The way you love yourself is the way others love you.

This is what I stand for, with myself and sisters in my tribe.

What is Self-Love?

Whenever I ask someone if they love themselves, they say, “Yeah, I pamper myself!  I go to the spa, do bubble baths, get a mani/pedi regularly.”

I swear – this is the answer I get!

Self-Love is not just about taking care of your appearance. It’s about taking care of your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. It’s a journey of releasing old conditioning and healing yourself, to finally reach a point of True Self and Authenticity. 

When you fill your own cup first before giving to others, instead of feeling resentful, overwhelmed or guilty, as one normally does when they’re stretched, you feel radiant and joyful.

Through Self-Love, you start to align your life with one that feels natural, balanced, loving – you feel whole and integrated – and are connected to your intuition, inner fire and a sense of unconditional love. Compassion, wisdom and grace become second nature for you.

The right relationships, jobs, homes, begin to flow to you.

You learn how to BE more, and DO less. You become a Magnet for Love.

Doesn’t this sound amazing?

Or do you feel skeptical, like it’s too good to be true?

Maybe there’s a part of you that knows that Self-Love takes focus, effort and discipline – a sense of responsibility for yourself. And you feel lazy, or too burned out already.

Or, you may have to experience some discomfort. For instance, making tough decisions of letting go of a current job or relationship, or letting go of conditioning that comes second nature to you, or healing spiritual blocks that you don’t want to face.

All are true. Self-Love will shake up your world, challenge you, and take you out of victim-hood. It will also make you stronger, healthier, and open up new possibilities.

You must make a choice. Either go with how things are, currently – or begin to practice Self-Love.

How to Love Yourself

When you love yourself…

… You treat yourself as a beloved. You practice acceptance, love, intimacy and forgiveness with yourself

… You have spaciousness and tools to support your emotional health, become more connected to yourself, and release your emotional baggage

… You release negative self-talk, and begin to heal your mind. You stop seeking validation and approval from others

… You care for your soul and what she needs, whether it’s meditation, yoga, self-reflection, healing spiritual blocks, creativity

… You love, accept and care for your body, owning it’s sacredness. You observe the conditions that are optimal to help your body thrive

… You set healthy boundaries with others and begin to release toxic, codependent relationships

… You observe your conditioning, setting an intention to release inner wounds that keep you gridlocked in your current situation

Imagine what you could create with that kind of inner foundation! And remember, loves begins with you!

The post Love Begins with You appeared first on First Date Stories.

Your body is a magnificent storehouse of wisdom, magic, love, sensuality, divine connection and so much more. She is your beloved, and has fifty two trillion cells, each cell being conscious and alive. She is the gift your spirit has been given to experience this magnificent life.

But your body needs your love and care. Recent months have unleashed an unanticipated wave of stress, uncertainty and outrage. She yearns for your attention, compassion and touch to help her cope and rejuvenate. She’s tired of being abandoned – let alone from others – but most of all from you.

During this pandemic, we’ve been given the special gift of time for simply focusing on what matters.

Take the time to talk to your body, asking her for what she needs.

As a mother would take care of her child, constantly asking herself (or her little one), “Darling, what are you needing? Do you need to sleep? Do you want to cry? Do you want to simply play? What kind of food will nourish your tiny, beautiful body?” She plays with her child, caresses her hair, and calls her sweetheart.

That’s what your body wants from you. She doesn’t want to be abandoned anymore. She wants to know that you’re there for her, always. As her mother, father, lover, sister.

Be in tune with your body, taking all the time in the world, as if nothing else matters.

What foods does she like and nourish her? What kind of rest and exercise is soothing for nervous system? What relationships and activities energize versus drain her? What stimulation does she need, or does she just need quiet and still? What kind of spiritual or self-care practices make her feel whole and grounded?

It may actually be a lot different from the life you’re living today. We’re so used to living for others, and being preoccupied by our work and relationships.

Yet when you develop this kind of intimate relationship with your body, you become a radiant Love Goddess.

Slowly, you will heal old abandonment wounds, and you will truly begin to feel a divine connection with your body and soul. You will develop a strong intuition and inner compass that will help guide you through this world, versus relying on others’ opinions and validation. You’ll become more confident about asking for what you need and your cup will feel full.

You’ll even attract a partner who will not abandon you. After all, your world is your mirror, and the way you love yourself is how others will love you.

A Simple, Powerful Meditation

Here’s a meditation you can do each morning, to tune into your body:

1. Take ten, slow inhales and exhales, focusing on your breath.
2. Bring your attention to your heart. Thank her for her presence, love and wisdom, and all the other life-giving gifts she brings.
3. Ask her for what she wants and needs.
4. Then, go to the different parts of your body, starting from your head, down to your feet, bringing your awareness, having gratitude for each part for their role, and asking for what the body part needs.

This can last 15 minutes, or you can turn it into a whole one hour meditation! I love this meditation. For bonus points, you can add the healing power of touch – touch each body part while doing the practice.

Be there for whatever feelings arise. In the beginning, you might feel a sense of joy or maybe some grief, because your body is finally getting what you’ve been missing your whole life. Don’t abandon your feelings, simply be there and validate them.

Your body will finally get what it’s been longing for your whole life – your presence and attention. And a knowing that you won’t be abandoned anymore.

Because you deserve it, Love Goddess.

The post Taking Care of You appeared first on First Date Stories.

Your body is a magnificent storehouse of wisdom, magic, love, sensuality, divine connection and so much more. She is your beloved, and has fifty two trillion cells, each cell being conscious and alive. She is the gift your spirit has been given to experience this magnificent life.

But your body needs your love and care. She yearns for your attention, compassion and touch. She’s tired of being abandoned – let alone from others – but most of all from you.

Take the time to talk to your body, asking her for what she needs. 

As a mother would take care of her child, constantly asking herself (or her little one), “Darling, what are you needing? Do you need to sleep? Do you want to cry? Do you want to simply play? What kind of food will nourish your tiny, beautiful body?” She plays with her child, caresses her hair, and calls her sweetheart.

That’s what your body wants from you. She doesn’t want to be abandoned anymore. She wants to know that you’re there for her, always. As her mother, father, lover, sister.

Be in tune with your body, taking all the time in the world, as if nothing else matters.

What foods does she like and nourish her? What kind of rest and exercise is soothing for nervous system? What relationships and activities energize versus drain her? What stimulation does she need, or does she just need quiet and still? What kind of spiritual or self-care practices make her feel whole and grounded?

It may actually be a lot different from the life you’re living today. We’re so used to living for others, and being preoccupied by our work and relationships.

Yet when you develop this kind of intimate relationship with your body, you become a radiant Love Goddess.

Slowly, you will heal old abandonment wounds, and you will truly begin to feel a divine connection with your body and soul. You will develop a strong intuition and inner compass that will help guide you through this world, versus relying on others’ opinions and validation. You’ll become more confident about asking for what you need and your cup will feel full.

You’ll even attract a partner who will not abandon you. After all, your world is your mirror, and the way you love yourself is how others will love you.

Here’s a meditation you can do each morning to tune into your body:

1. Take ten, slow inhales and exhales, focusing on your breath.
2. Bring your attention to your heart. Thank her for her presence, love and wisdom, and all the other life-giving gifts she brings.
3. Ask her for what she wants and needs.
4. Then, go to the different parts of your body, starting from your head, down to your feet, bringing your awareness, having gratitude for each part for their role, and asking for what the body part needs.

This can last 15 minutes, or you can turn it into a whole one hour meditation! I love this meditation. For bonus points, you can add the healing power of touch – touch each body part while doing the practice.

Be there for whatever feelings arise. In the beginning, you might feel a sense of joy or maybe some grief, because your body is finally getting what you’ve been missing your whole life. Don’t abandon your feelings, simply be there and validate them.

Your body will finally get what it’s been longing for your whole life – your presence and attention. And a knowing that you won’t be abandoned anymore.

Because you deserve it, Love Goddess.

The post A Gift to Yourself appeared first on First Date Stories.

Getting ready to date after a divorce or major breakup can be both nerve-wrecking and exciting. After all, who knows what new possibilities you’re going to create in your life? You deserve to not only find Mr. Right, but also to enjoy the process of dating. It may seem daunting at first (depending on your dating experience before, and also the nature of online dating now).

Here are some things to consider to get yourself started after a divorce or breakup.:

1. Before getting into dating, it’s important to be mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually prepared.

Have you spent enough time truly loving yourself and developing self-love rituals and habits? It may sound too “Eat, Pray, Love”-like, but in my experience, it’s important to create a strong foundation within yourself – one that’s already happy and strong.

Also, have you been able to heal from your last relationship, release baggage and cut energetic cords with your ex, so that you can begin a new relationship, afresh (a process I call ‘Closing Your Ex Files‘)? Do you have a somewhat amicable relationship with your ex? Have you learned what you needed from that relationship? If you have children, do they feel loved and supported? Or do you still have loose ends to address which could negatively affect your dating experience?

If you still have unresolved issues or feel angry or bitter, it’s important that you work with a therapist, life/dating coach or healer – someone you trust to support you until you feel ready. Through my online courses and coaching, I’ve seen many women thrive after doing this hard but necessary work on themselves.

Getting to a place of self-love and creating a healthy relationship with yourself is first and foremost before you begin dating.

2. Spend some time reading up on how to date and connecting with other women who are in your shoes to feel supported.

There are many books, online resources like First Date Stories and coaching programs (online or locally), you can join to get to know the dating landscape better. Meet other women who are dating so you can go to events with them and support each other.

3. Get out there and start meeting men!

Whether it’s in a community service setting, at a singles event, or even online, it’s perfectly fine to get your feet wet, and go at a pace that you feel comfortable with. Make sure you create a dating profile that truly represents your whole Goddess self, and set up healthy dating habits.

Most of all, remember that you are an incredibly beautiful, kind, loving woman – any man would be lucky to be with you. As a single woman, you have the opportunity to date and meet many men. If you feel the pressure to find a mate soon, just know that it’s ok to take your time, to treat dating like a self-discovery journey, and date as many men as you would like to before committing to anyone. Feel empowered and have fun!

The post Getting Ready to Date after a Divorce or Breakup appeared first on First Date Stories.

… and yet, nearly 40% of people (in America) meet their partners online!

You must be thinking – “Well, these people are just lucky. I’m always getting rejected or attracting emotionally unavailable men – there must be something wrong with me!”

Through my coaching (and personal) experience, I’ve found that online dating apps are an excellent way to meet men. Most of my clients have met their partners online, even though they started off resistant to it. It’s a great way to extend your network, go beyond your radius and meet great, stand up guys.

Think about your brothers and your guy friends – aren’t they online as well? Didn’t many of your friends meet their partners online?

Online dating does work and you can meet ‘the one’ – but the key is to make the most out of it, and learn the art of online dating so you can be more savvy and proficient. Online apps are a way that technology enables us to live better lives. It doesn’t replace meeting people in social settings – it’s just another channel for calling in your soulmate.

It’s like looking for a job. What if we put as much intention and energy into our love life as we do finding our next position?

One last thing – I know it’s hard to be grateful for something that potentially has caused you a lot of pain – but remember that many of grandmothers, and even our mothers, didn’t have a chance to meet and date men outside of their limited social settings. We do! You have the opportunity to date and choose a man who’s right for you who you may not have been able to find without these technological advances. So, try to approach online dating with an ‘abundance and gratitude’ mindset.

Here are some tips to make your online dating profile stand out, and to make the most out of your dating process.

1. Use gorgeous, striking pictures of yourself. This is the most important tip. Men are visual creatures (and so are we, by the way!). Remember, you are beautiful, no matter what your shape, size, color or height is. The key is to embrace your goddess self, and share pictures that would even turn you on. Remove photos that are casual, bikini shots, poorly lit, selfies (unless it’s super hot – but don’t use it for the first photo), and photos with other people in it, including cut off body parts like an arm around your waist.

I recommend getting professional photos done, where you are wearing sexy, colorful, elegant dresses and outfits. Have fun at the photo shoot. Even get your hair and makeup done beforehand if you can. If you would like examples, check out these  from Smart Dating Academy, which show how photos can make an online profile really pop. Tell your photographer that you would like to have both close ups and full body shots. Remember, this is your chance to have fun, and share your most radiant self with the world! The best part is, once you get these photos done, they can be used for a variety of purposes, like your social media and professional website (and believe me, you will always treasure them).

2. Make your profile humorous, yet authentic, and values-oriented. We all love a little chuckle. Especially in dating! Take the opportunity to use your online profile to bring out your less serious, more fun side. Create a unique username, even if it’s kind of silly – like PuppyWhisperer or YogaBear. Make it related to something you’re passionate about. Add a tagline that’s witty and related (if taglines are supported in the app) – like “Smarter than the average bear!” (for the YogaBear example). In this case, YogaBear is a play on Yogi Bear, and relates to this woman’s interest in yoga. 

In your profile, share about your interests and background in a casual and interesting way. Talk about what you value in life and use anecdotes and language that draws in the five senses. You can even be vulnerable and share some of your quirks. Most importantly, try to be light-hearted and flirty, yet sincere. If you do mention your job, make it just one aspect of your profile – remember you are way more than your career! Try not to mention things that you ‘don’t want’ (e.g. “Not looking for a one-night stand”) These can look like red alerts or signal that you still have issues you are working through.

Your profile is a chance for you to stand out from the crowd and share your Unique Essence. What makes you, you, you gorgeous goddess! And honestly, it doesn’t matter if it’s long (as long as the app allows it.) – the longer, the better. I’ve seen men read every single word if they are piqued by a woman. The more you share, the more a man will be able to see if there is resonance with you and also find a hook to connect with you.

3. Communicate with guys online as you would in person.One common issue that so many people face is that the conversation online feels forced and artificial. What if you were to meet a guy in person? How would you speak and communicate? Try to bring that same casual, curious tone when communicating with someone. Ask questions about something he said in his profile, and answer his questions in short, fun ways. Feel free to use emoticons and be flirty. It’ll keep him on his toes!

Also, feel free to reach out to men online. Don’t just wait for men to connect with you. It’s just as powerful to invite a man to connect with you, as to be ‘chased’. Give chances to men whose profile you think are not so great. Sometimes our profiles don’t represent us well, and you may be happily surprised when you actually meet him.

4. Play it safe, and be mindful of your energy. Part of what annoys women is the energetic drain they feel after a bad experience, and the inherent sense of vulnerability of dating. I recommend creating a separate email account for online dating to maintain your privacy. Also, never give out your phone number unless you’ve communicated via the app or email at least once or twice. And never allow the person to add you on social media (unless you want to be friends with him – or you’re getting into a committed relationship).

If a guy says something sexual and inappropriate (and you don’t like it), then cut off the conversation right away. Let him know that it didn’t feel right to you and wish him luck. Lastly, offer to meet up with a guy on a coffee date or walk only after you’ve spoken with him once over the phone (or you get ‘nice guy’ vibes from him).

It may sound obvious, but it’s worth mentioning that you should never feel like you have to sleep with someone just because he wants it – maintain your standards and determine when, and with whom, you want to sleep with. Healthy boundary setting will allow you to maintain both a sense of safety and also create a sense of mystery for a guy. You don’t need to be an open book right away.

Nowadays, online dating can feel like eating fast food – but you can approach it mindfully and slow down the communication and meeting up if that feels better for you.

5. Apply a slow, mindful, joyful approach to online dating.As with anything, I find that creating small, daily habits is more long lasting and powerful than short spurts of high activity. In that spirit, try to allocate a time limit to spending time online – maybe a half an hour a day, max. Make sure you spend that time both responding to men, and reaching out to new ones. Feel free to communicate with several men at the same time, to keep the flow going.

I also recommend being on a maximum of two dating sites at a time. When you’re done with one, you can always switch to another! Take a moment to meditate or practice deep, calm breathing before you go online; and perhaps do the same after you log off. Remember to have an open, fresh mind each time you use your dating app – each day is a new day!

6. Remove artificial filters and criteria – and genuinely be open. I have clients who have met men who are younger, much older, less educated, living in different parts of the country, of different ethnicities and religions, interested in different things… the list goes on! And these men are perfect for them. The reality is, our soulmate is someone who comes in a package quite different than what our ego thinks it needs. So be open to possibilities

7. Work on your mindset, and keep up with the momentum. Dating makes us vulnerable and is a drain on our time and energy. That’s why the most important things while doing online dating are to work on creating a healthy mindset of self-love, compassion and patience, and to not give up! Look at it as a spiritual practice – one of keeping your heart open to possibilities, and a chance for inner reflection, growth and becoming a better person.

I highly recommend working with a dating / love coach or mentor who can support you in staying positive, creating healthy dating habits, making better choices and getting out of your own way – which is perhaps the biggest challenge.

Here’s to healthy, powerful dating, and finding your soulmate!

Photos by Edward Cisneros and Pratik Gupta on Unsplash.

The post Seven Game-Changing Tips to Mastering Online Dating appeared first on First Date Stories.

First, check in with yourself. If you find yourself feeling jaded, tired or hurting from a past relationship, then you may not be mentally and emotionally in the right place to be dating. It is a good time to work with a coach or therapist to get clear on your desires and patterns and create a healthy mindset about dating.

To get the most out of dating, ideally you want to come from a place of abundance, tremendous self-confidence and having a clear vision for your life. Remember, your fulfillment comes from within, not from someone who will ‘complete’ you. Dating from a place of joy will make the process of dating feel less like a chore and more as an opportunity to get to meet different men and meet ‘the one’ in a healthy way.

If you’ve taken some time for self-reflection and creating a positive, radiant mindset, good for you! Here are some pointers for making the most out of dating when starting anew:

1. Create a new, outstanding profile for yourself rather than simply reactivating an old one.: A new you deserves a new lease on your dating life! If possible, use professional, beautiful photos of yourself, and get some help in writing a profile that really stands out. Your profile is the main way you’re communicating with the dating world about who you are and what you’re looking for – kind of like a resume. Why not put in the same amount of effort into your profile as you would into your career?

2. Create healthy, sustainable dating habits.: Take small, daily steps to move your love life forward. I generally recommend earmarking thirty minutes a day to communicate with men online – no more, no less. In this way, dating becomes an integral part of your life, and you aren’t consumed by it. During those thirty minutes, send fun, interesting messages to men, get on the phone, find a singles event or plan a date. Focus on the quality of your interactions, rather than quantity. For instance, if you’re only able to write to one or two men, but your messages are kind, funny and mindful, then that’s a great use of your time. Another healthy metric is carving out one to three evenings a week for dating – and if you’re not on a date – then use the evening to read a book on love, or date yourself!

3. Keep your old life going, but shift your priorities and carve out time for your love life.: Taking on a new life project, like parenting, starting a new job, learning a new hobby or buying a home is an investment of time. Each requires us to de-prioritize some things, and create time and space for the new endeavor. The same goes for love and dating. Much like Feng Shui principles, energy (and love) flows where there is balance and space for it. Be intentional with your time and energy, and have space for learning about love, improving your relationship skills, dating and inviting a new man into your life!

4. Create your support system: Let’s face it – dating is inherently vulnerable. We’re all creatures of habit and are afraid of rejection and getting hurt. However, dating is the most vital thing you could be doing to open your heart and create a loving partnership. It’s important to have a team of supporters on board – a coach, therapist, positive friends and family who understand you and who you can rely on when you’re needing a mindset boost, help you reflect on your dating patterns and to keep you focused on your mission – finding your soulmate.

At the end of the day, a break from dating can be a healthy thing you do for yourself – especially when it’s intentional. Remember, there are plenty of amazing men, and your future partner is looking forward to being with you too. So your mindset and openness to love matters!

The post Getting Back to Dating After Taking a Break appeared first on First Date Stories.

We live in an era where time is limited and dating can feel draining. So why bother dating someone if there’s no chemistry?

First of all, chemistry is a misguided compass for whether something is good or bad for us. I jokingly call it the “Taco Bell Test.” Which would you prefer, a green juice or Taco Bell (or fill in your favorite fast food)? More than likely, you would go for the fast food, right? Every time you eat that tasty bite, you get instantly gratified, a sugar high, and that craving gets fulfilled. Green juice is, well, necessary and healthy.

But here’s the good news. The more fruits and veggies you throw in your diet, the more your body starts craving green juice. But I guarantee that for 95% of us, even if we started shifting our diet for the better, we would still fail the “Taco Bell Test”!

I also see it all the time with men – the ones who are elusive, well-traveled and groomed, tall, successful, slightly unavailable, confident to the point of arrogance. Don’t these men make your legs quiver… even just a little?

This is chemistry in a nut shell.

So, if you’re using sexual chemistry as the only marker for determining whether he’s a keeper, my advice is – don’t!

I believe in sexual chemistry, and attraction. As modern women, we deserve to be with someone who we connect with on every level – mental, emotional, spiritual AND physical.

However, I wager that for many of us, chemistry is not a reliable initial criteria as to whether a man we’re out with is a good fit for us.

But how do you know whether your sniff test for ‘chemistry’ may be off?

Here are some experiences that may ring true to you and could influence how well your chemistry filter is working.:

If you’ve gone through painful relationships: It’s more likely that you’re still wired to find similar relationships or be attracted to the same types of men, even if the relationship was abusive. Your body craves and itches for that fulfillment it didn’t receive in that relationship. Weird, right?

If you had a bad relationship with your dad (or mom): Even though you swore to yourself, “I will never date someone like my dad!” you will likely be attracted to a man who’s similar to him. It’s because, deep inside, your inner child still craves that specific need that your dad never fulfilled for you. (By the way, there would be a similar example for your mom).

Your parents didn’t get along: You may be wired for attracting a similar relationship to theirs.

You’re not “turned on” by yourself: Because of our busy lives, most of us are so disconnected from our True Self, that we don’t really know what we want anymore. So, it’s hard to be sure what really turns us on.

Many women struggle with self-worth issues. According to studies, 70% of girls grow up feeling ‘not good enough’. Remember, like attracts like – if you don’t feel worthy, and you’re not truly attracted to yourself, how can you expect someone to be attracted to you?

Also, I want to bust the myth that people in relationships are sexually fulfilled and have loads of chemistry. Studies have also found that sexlessness in marriages is on a rise.

So, sexual chemistry can be misleading and isn’t always lasting unless people consciously work on it while being in a relationship.

Do your dating based on resonance and values – NOT solely on chemistry.

Ask yourself, “What do I truly care about? What is one thing that I would fight for – even die for?”

Without knowing what you value, you will date anyone and maybe even settle for less – a person who doesn’t know their own values. Plus, you may rule out an amazing man, because “you’re not attracted.”

I always advise women to date several men at the same time and give them 3 – 4 chances if they seem to be kind, generous, stand-up guys.

Be kind and generous with them yourself – just like how you would want to be treated. Also, learn to graciously say “no” to men whom you don’t resonate with. This way, you stay honest, open to possibilities and loving.

Photos by rawpixel.com from Pexels

The post I’m Not Attracted…Should I Date Him? appeared first on First Date Stories.

… “There are no good men left.”
…”All the men left are gay or strange.”
… “I’m too old/fat/over-accomplished/uninteresting/[fill in the blank].”
…”All men want is one thing.”
…”There must be something wrong with him if he likes me.”
… “There must be something wrong with me if I’m single.”
… “I’m destined to be single.”

The number of negative thoughts that pervade our thoughts about love is incomprehensible. These thoughts bring us down, keep us single and ruin relationships.

If we’re not conscious about our thought patterns, then we definitely won’t attract or keep healthy love. The only way out of negative thinking when you’re single is by changing your attitude to life. Attitude is everything!

I invite you to write this out on a card and keep it near your bed or computer.:

“My life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”

Your attitude determines how you react to life’s situations, and what thoughts you have.

When you’re single, have gone through difficult breakups, or are stuck in painful relationship patterns, it’s super hard to have a positive attitude. I get it. Which is even more the reason why I’m reminding you of the inner work needed to create the love life you deserve.

You deserve a healthy, conscious, joyful relationship with the partner of your dreams. But YOU must make a stand for your attitude – that’s work you have to do. When you have a good attitude, all your thoughts, words and actions become positively aligned with what you want to create.

How do you start developing a healthy attitude about your love life?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Meditate every morning. I’m a firm believer that meditation is the cornerstone for transforming our inner darkness into wisdom and love. Meditation can be hugely transformative.

⇒ Here’s a 20-minute meditation I’ve created as a gift, which you can use every morning.

You can get a Rose Quartz crystal, and place it in your hand or heart, while you meditate. Rose quartz is my favorite stone for increasing love and open-heartedness.

2. Say positive affirmations. I love affirmations because they remind us of our highest potential. Plus, the words in affirmations have positive vibrations, and it starts programming our subconscious to start filtering in positive experiences.

⇒ Here are some affirmations (my gift to you!) that you can do every morning. First Date Stories also has some wonderful Dating Affirmations for you to take to heart and embrace.

3. Reframe your life events in a positive light.The stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves are powerful in creating our reality, and determining our attitude. This is an important tool for dealing with negative thinking.

For instance:

“I haven’t met my soulmate” ⇒ “I haven’t met my soulmate, yet” (acknowledging that there’s still possibility)

“I am doomed to be single” ⇒ “I am single and am creating the conditions for a healthy, loving partnership with myself and my future mate. The universe has my back and wants me to be happy. Plus I choose to not settle in my love life.” (acknowledging that partnership is a work in progress – and it’s better to be single than in a painful relationship)

“I can’t believe the relationship’s over!” ⇒ “The relationship wasn’t meant to work, and one or both of us were suffering. I’m open to a healthy relationship and am committed to doing the inner work to not recreate painful patterns.”

“I am so mad at myself for what’s going on in my love life” ⇒ “I love and accept myself. Everything’s flowing according to divine timing.” (Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is the most powerful tool for healing and creating a positive mindset)

“There are no more good men out there” ⇒ “Just like me, there’s a loving, kind, relationship-oriented man out there, who is the right partner for me. There is an abundance of kind-hearted men. Plus, all it takes is one!”

4. Serve others and practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and generosity every day. The world is our mirror. The kind of love that you practice in the world is the kind of love you will attract back to yourself.

I have found that gratitude is the most powerful way to shift a lack-mindset into one of abundance.

Also, service and kindness aligns us to our deepest desires – to be loving, and live in a love-filled, connected world. When we practice kindness and service to ourselves and others, we get connected to the universal energy of love, and we transcend our hardships and limiting beliefs, and even encounter miracles.

Over time, our attitude changes to one of greater harmony, trust, faith and love.

5. Get a love/life/relationship coach.  A coach will keep you focused on the goals you have while making sure that your self-doubt and fear doesn’t get in the way. Dating and love can be filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Without the right support, you can become disheartened or even depressed.

Creating a loving and abundant mindset takes real work, but in my opinion, has the greatest payoff. A loving mindset and healthy attitude WILL get you on the right track for attracting a healthy, loving relationship and creating the life you want.

A coach believes in your greatest potential, and won’t let your negative thoughts get in the way. He/she will help you face your inner demons and keep you on the path to success through skills and mentoring.

As a love coach and spiritual mentor, the greatest transformation I have encountered in my clients is their empowered attitude to their love life. With this level of self-confidence, they can take on anything – and are able to attract loving relationships on their terms.

The post How to Deal with Negative Thinking When You’re Single appeared first on First Date Stories.

Dear Linda,

The world’s your oyster when you’re looking for places to meet single men.  First, let me address online dating. According to statistics, it is currently the most effective and popular forum to meet great men (and even your soulmate!).  Being uncomfortable with online dating is natural, of course, and you can do a little research and get support from a dating coach on how to approach it more confidently.

That being said, there are plenty of places to meet single men in person!

Before getting out there, it may be helpful to do some introspection and journaling so that you feel prepared and open. Ask yourself…

What are my values? What are my interests? What activities energize or drain me? How ready am I to meet and get to know men, with the mindset of just being open to possibilities and without expectation of how things will turn out? How open am I to flirt and connect with men. Would I be open to speaking to a man who approaches me, even if I’m somewhat afraid or guarded? How can I compassionately handle my fear of rejection? Am I open to meeting a variety of men and to opening my mindset?

Depending on your values and interests, there are many opportunities to meet single men. Here are some ideas:

• At a Bar, Nightclub, or a Restaurant with a Happening Bar: Single men can be found in abundance in social settings. Remember, men who are single want to meet great women like you, and a bar is as good a place as any. You can practice flirting by going up to a man and saying something funny or flirty, and when a man approaches you, be open to chatting casually. The great thing at a bar is, if you’re bored (or you don’t want to linger for too long), you can always end politely and make an exit to the bathroom, or find your girlfriend. Go with friends who are also single, and are just as open as you to meet men and start conversations.
• Meetup: Meetup.com is a forum for people to form groups based on shared interests. Depending where you live in, the options may be quite vast or limited. For instance, there may be groups that meet for hiking, tennis, culinary experiences, spirituality, books – you name it! Go through the list and see if any appeal to you, even remotely. If a particular interest doesn’t show up and you’re inspired to create a group – why not?
• A Service or Community Event: If you’re interested in meeting kind, generous men, then look no further! Joining a soup kitchen, a faith-based group, or local community events supporting a cause, are a great ways to meet other people (and men) who are into giving. Plus, they are healthy environments to get to know someone in a way that’s fun and authentic, with a lot of heart.
• Personal Growth or Educational Seminars: Many men and women who are single are introspective and looking for ways to grow and transform their lives. You may be too! Look around at community forums and billboards for activities, or courses, where you can have fun learning. There’s always opportunities to meet men in these places.
• Singles Events: What’s the best place to know whether a man’s single? You got it! From speed dating to after-work mixers, or trips for singles, you can get to meet a myriad of interesting men. Nearly every city has them in multitude. If you live in, or near one, you just have to do the research. If you go to an event and are disappointed, don’t worry! Just keep attending different ones. You never know. Plus, working on your flirting and dating skills at this stage is important and such events are helpful.
• Through Friends: Let your friends know that you are looking to date. Be open to friends they may set you up with. Be grateful and kind when they set you up with men, even if you think the guy isn’t the right fit for you. Remember, your friends are doing their best and have your interest at heart. They want you to be happy in a relationship.

As a coach, I always encourage women to try to get to at least one event or activity per week. Dating is a marathon, not a sprint. A good dose of humor, play and openness will go a long way in making the experience enjoyable. If you ever feel disheartened, remember that this is a vulnerable experience for both you and the men you meet, and requires courage and compassion. Celebrate and practice self love each time you do go to an event. You’re already ahead of the curve by getting out there!

Lastly, it’s important to practice safety while you’re out meeting men. Always meet in public places, don’t give your personal information unless you know a man well, and don’t feel obliged to do anything you’re not ready to.

The post Where Should I Go to Meet Single Men? appeared first on First Date Stories.

Dear Rose,

Getting back with an ex is a tricky road. However, many people do get back with their exes and end up being happy! How do you navigate this in a mindful way, without either of you getting burned?

As you’re contemplating your next steps, here are some questions that you could ask yourself:

1. How do I feel in my body, mind and spirit about myself and the relationship?

Do you feel scared, anxious, insecure or needy? Or do you feel like you’re in a healthy place, and are open and curious, yet detached, about seeing him? If you do, indeed, have difficult feelings or baggage that you have yet to process and still need time to heal and infuse yourself with self love, it’s important to first to do so. Also, get the support you need.

After all, you want to be able to make the decision about meeting your ex in a clear-headed, openhearted, present state – and be excited for a new beginning!

2. Have I had an opportunity to learn about my past mistakes, and how to be in a healthy relationship?

A relationship ends when one, or (usually) both people are genuinely suffering in some way. It’s important to take responsibility for your own actions – maybe you put up with too much (or settled for too little), couldn’t communicate your true feelings and needs, had unhealthy boundaries, became co-dependent with each other or were unavailable or too controlling without realizing it. Remember, it takes two to tango! There are many ways in which we sabotage relationships or attract the wrong ones (most of the time, due to our subconscious blocks, inability to communicate well or lack of self love), and it’s important to first address these before jumping back into a relationship and repeating old patterns.

3. Is he truly right for me? 

This is perhaps the toughest question and one that may only be answered as you begin seeing him again, if you’re still unsure. First, make sure you have completed the first two steps. Then, as you see him again, try not to set any expectations about where things are going. You may even begin to see each other as friends first. Evaluate whether he’s made changes in life as you have in yours. Each time you see him, ask yourself, “Does this energize me, or drain me? How do I feel?” If you genuinely have concerns, be open and honest with both yourself and him. Allow your intuition to guide you.

It’s also wise to have a strong support system and someone as your sounding board as this could potentially be an emotionally rocky, yet exciting, ride!

Here’s to love and abundance in your life,

Sarika

The post Do I Date My Ex Again? appeared first on First Date Stories.