Do I Date My Ex Again?

My ex-boyfriend is trying to get back with me. I’m torn about starting to date him again. How do I decide? – Rose

Dear Rose,

Getting back with an ex is a tricky road. However, many people do get back with their exes and end up being happy! How do you navigate this in a mindful way, without either of you getting burned?

As you’re contemplating your next steps, here are some questions that you could ask yourself:

1. How do I feel in my body, mind and spirit about myself and the relationship?

Do you feel scared, anxious, insecure or needy? Or do you feel like you’re in a healthy place, and are open and curious, yet detached, about seeing him? If you do, indeed, have difficult feelings or baggage that you have yet to process and still need time to heal and infuse yourself with self love, it’s important to first to do so. Also, get the support you need.

After all, you want to be able to make the decision about meeting your ex in a clear-headed, openhearted, present state – and be excited for a new beginning!

2. Have I had an opportunity to learn about my past mistakes, and how to be in a healthy relationship?

A relationship ends when one, or (usually) both people are genuinely suffering in some way. It’s important to take responsibility for your own actions – maybe you put up with too much (or settled for too little), couldn’t communicate your true feelings and needs, had unhealthy boundaries, became co-dependent with each other or were unavailable or too controlling without realizing it. Remember, it takes two to tango! There are many ways in which we sabotage relationships or attract the wrong ones (most of the time, due to our subconscious blocks, inability to communicate well or lack of self love), and it’s important to first address these before jumping back into a relationship and repeating old patterns.

3. Is he truly right for me? 

This is perhaps the toughest question and one that may only be answered as you begin seeing him again, if you’re still unsure. First, make sure you have completed the first two steps. Then, as you see him again, try not to set any expectations about where things are going. You may even begin to see each other as friends first. Evaluate whether he’s made changes in life as you have in yours. Each time you see him, ask yourself, “Does this energize me, or drain me? How do I feel?” If you genuinely have concerns, be open and honest with both yourself and him. Allow your intuition to guide you.

It’s also wise to have a strong support system and someone as your sounding board as this could potentially be an emotionally rocky, yet exciting, ride!

Here’s to love and abundance in your life,

Sarika