The following is the transcript of this podcast episode.:
Jodi: Welcome, Connie, to the podcast.
Connie: Thank you.
Jodi: I’m excited to hear about your first date. Before we get into the first date, I want to hear more about you. Please share a bit about yourself.
Connie: I am 53 years old and I am in the alternative medical field. I have my own wellness center. I am currently getting my doctoral. I was married for years. I’ve been divorced for eight years. My son is grown and I’m just loving life.
Jodi: That’s fantastic! You seemed to be a woman with a lot going on.
Connie: Yes, I’m definitely a busy woman.
Jodi: Now for the date. Who did you go out with?
Connie: I went out with a gentleman that I met online.
Jodi: What was the gentleman’s name?
Jodi: And which online platform did you guys meet on?
Jodi: How long had be on Zoosk before you met him?
Connie: I went on for three months, but I actually met him very early on.
Jodi: Did he contact you? Did you contact him?
Connie: I liked him and then he contacted me. We went from there and we started a conversation and quickly got off with the site and talked on the phone.
Jodi: What was it about his profile on Zoosk that got you to click that Like button?
Connie: I liked the way that he presented himself. He was a world traveler and he just seemed like he had some depth.
Jodi: You could pick that up from the profile clearly.
Connie: I could. Yeah.
Jodi: When the two of you talked, how did that sync up with what you took away from his profile?
Connie: Actually, it was better than his profile. We had a lot in common. We had a great conversation. It was easy. There wasn’t any force in it. It just flowed.
Jodi: Nice. How did you come to actually go out on a date with him? Did he ask you out during this phone conversation?
Connie: We quickly set up a date. He said that he was going to plan it and I liked that. He set the date. I was going to meet him in the city. I didn’t really know where we were going so I had to use GPS. It was actually on the water, so I had to kind of drive out to the water. But it was lovely. It was like an adventure for me.
Jodi: When you got to this destination, how did you find him? How did he find you?
Connie: Yeah. There wasn’t really any reception out there, so I had to drive around to find him. He was standing outside of his car and then we got in his car and he took me the rest of the way to this cliff overlooking the water. We watched the sunset. It was absolutely gorgeous. We just talked. It was so picturesque! It was beautiful.
Jodi: Sounds like this guy was a big romantic.
Connie: Yes, very romantic, which I love.
Jodi: So, you see Chris. You say hello in this parking lot. You get in his car. Do you guys start talking, picking up the conversation from where you left off before? Was it easy from the get-go with him?
Connie: Yeah. I mean, of course, there were nerves because it was our first date. Especially with me, I get nervous on first dates. But he really put me at ease. As we walked along, because we walked for quite some time along this path, it was just really comfortable. After a while it got cold, and so then he put his arms around me and kept me warm. We took pictures together. It was kind of a lot for a first date, but it was just there.
Jodi: Wow! Seems like it was incredibly, as I said, romantic….the two of you out there watching the sunset.
Jodi: What happened next?
Connie: After we watched the sunset, we got back in his car and he drove us to this beautiful little restaurant. We walked in and we sat at this little table. It was just like… it was all wood inside. It was just very classy. We had a glass of wine and we ordered some hors d’oeuvres. It was the best conversation I’ve ever had on a date.
Jodi: Wow! What made it the best conversation you’d had on a date?
Connie: He just had so much depth. It’s like anything that I brought up, or anything we talked about, he could speak to it, like he had had that experience. We both shared so many similarities about how we feel about life, and traveling, and our philosophies. They were very similar. It was so refreshing.
Jodi: Did he ask you questions about you?
Connie: Yes. He asked a lot of questions about me too, which was great. He was a great listener. He had a lot of charisma. You know, he had some sense of humor. So we laughed. We talked. I don’t know, it’s was just so good.
Jodi: How were you feeling at that point?
Connie: Excited about him. And you know, usually, I do not want to kiss somebody on the first date, but we both were feeling it so much that we actually kissed in the restaurant.
Jodi: In the restaurant?
Jodi: Share more! (Laughter)
Connie: We were talking about how important it was for us to meet somebody that we were compatible with. We talked about kissing and then he kissed me!
Jodi: He just leaned in?
Connie: Yeah, leaned in and it was very soft and sweet. It wasn’t aggressive. It was very, very nice.
Jodi: Sounds lovely.
Connie: It was.
Jodi: Where did things go from there?
Connie: After dinner, then he walked me to my car and I was just so excited about him I’m thinking, “I can’t wait…this went so great…I’m sure we’re going to have a second date.” And then we stopped at my car and he kissed me goodbye. Then all of a sudden, he was super touchy-feely, right up my shirt! It was shocking to me!
Jodi: What did you do?
Connie: I stopped him and he looked at me and he said, “Too much, too soon?” And I said, “Yes.” He said, “Okay.” Then we kind of called it a night. But even on the way home, I didn’t have a good feeling. All that “greatness” left me at that moment.
Connie: He was SO aggressive. He was really aggressive in the parking lot. I actually felt like I was in high school a little bit. (Laughter)
Connie: But not in a good way.
Jodi: And how old is this guy?
Connie: He was my age.
Jodi: So he’s in his 50s and he’s acting like a teenager?
Connie: Yeah, just not respectful in my eyes and what I like, you know?
Jodi: How were you feeling on the drive home?
Connie: I was feeling deflated and I feel like some of my past wounding came up. I felt yucky, actually. That’s the word that comes up for me.
Connie: Yeah, because here we had such a lovely, beautiful date and his actions didn’t match what I had experienced of him.
Jodi: You expected he’d be more of a gentleman?
Jodi: And he demonstrated he was very interested in one thing?
Jodi: So, share with me, and the listeners, the rest of the story. What happened next with Chris?
Connie: He contacted me the next day and asked if I could come to his house. He wanted to make me dinner. I actually kind of froze inside, like, “Oh, I don’t want to put myself in that situation.” I said to him that I felt like I wasn’t ready to go where he wanted to go. So then I wasn’t going to come to his house. He said that he was really bummed that I felt that way but that he understood and thanks for being candid. It wasn’t like he was that heartbroken.
Jodi: Was that the last time the two you of you were in touch?
Connie: Yes, for about a year.
Jodi: Then what happened after a year?
Connie: He actually contacted me again…
Jodi: Out of the blue?
Connie: … through social media. LinkedIn.
Jodi: He contacted you through LinkedIn? He took a professional route?
Jodi: Whoa! Okay.
Jodi: That must have been a surprise.
Connie: It was. We texted a little bit more back and forth on LinkedIn and then we decided that we were going to meet again.
Jodi: Why were you willing to see him again?
Connie: Maybe because I second guess myself in that situation. Maybe I didn’t give him the chance that I should have? Or maybe I jumped the gun? Or maybe I should just see again? “We’re just going on a hike,” I thought. “What’s a hike? It’s okay.”
Jodi: Yeah. Was it okay?
Connie: It was fantastic again!
Jodi: Much better than okay, it sounds like.
Connie: Yes. We met for this beautiful hike that ends up with a water again, but different, and he packed a picnic lunch for us. He brought all the food. He asked me if I had any food sensitivities. He was very sweet in all of his questions and we had great conversations about our date before. I was very open and honest about how I felt. He was very receptive. We had another wonderful date.
Jodi: When you told him how he had made you feel…what did you mean by “he was receptive?”
Connie: I shared my feelings about how I felt. Of course, I do take responsibility for my own feelings and so I said, maybe it was because I was out of a relationship and you know I said things like that. He also took his responsibility and said, “Well, you know, I shouldn’t have actually gone that quickly and I apologize.” We both took responsibility for our own, whatever that was, at that moment.
Jodi: What happened next?
Connie: It’s so funny…like the movies. We were coming back from the hike and it started down pouring rain. I mean, DOWN pouring! We got in the car. We were just laughing and we were soaked and we started talking and then we ended up kissing in the car. We went out on four more dates. I was like, “Okay, I misjudged this guy.”
And then he asked me again, after four dates, if I would come to his house. He wanted to make me dinner. I thought this time, “Okay, it’s okay, it’s time.” I went there for dinner and we were intimate and it was the worst intimate experience I’ve ever had! (Laughter)
Jodi: No way! All this build up.
Connie: Oh my gosh! It was so terrible!
Jodi: Oh, no!
Jodi: Oh, no! You’re lying there and you’re thinking, “This isn’t what I expected!”
Connie: No. It was very shocking. I was like, I should have listened to my intuition a year ago. (Laughter)
Jodi: Learned a lot about your gut, didn’t you?
Connie: Yes! Once you make up your mind, and you know that, and your gut is telling you, listen to that because that’s real.
Jodi: You were doing a lot of rationalizing, weren’t you?
Connie: Yes, I tend to do that. But I do know, over and over and over, that my gut does tell me the truth. However, I did leave my phone at his house. So, we met the next day. He said we were going to have breakfast and he’d bring me my phone.
When I showed up, his energy was completely different. Then he said that he couldn’t stay for breakfast, that he had a meeting, and so he handed me my phone and gave me a hug. He said he’ll see me soon and he turned around and walked away. But you know that gut, that heart rushing gut feeling? I knew. “Oh! Yup, I guess it didn’t go well.” Well, I knew it didn’t go well, but…
Jodi: It didn’t go well for you and he knew how you were feeling.
Connie: I think so. But I don’t think I was his cup of tea either, to be honest with you. We were different. We were very different intimately, definitely wanting two different things. We got through it, but it was very awkward.
Jodi: You found out early that it was going to be awkward, so that was good.
Connie: Yes, but we still saw each other one more time.
Jodi: You did?
Connie: And it was lovely once again. We were sitting out in a restaurant outside, looking over the water. We had great food and heaters over. It was kind of a cold day and the conversation flowed again. It was great. We walked along the boardwalk. And when we left. He was like, “I would love to come over to your house.” I said, “Yeah, I’ll cook for you.” And we left it very like, “I’ll see you soon within the next couple of days.” And I never heard from him again.
Jodi: Did that surprise you?
Connie: It did surprise me.
Jodi: Do you think he did you a favor, though?
Connie: He definitely did me a favor. I did call him and say, “It doesn’t matter what it is, just share with me.” No, he didn’t. He never even contacted me again which surprised me because he was such a good communicator and appreciative of my communication. So that surprised me the most.
Jodi: It sounds like he might not have been the best communicator when it came to the tougher stuff.
Jodi: What did you take away from this whole experience going out with Chris?
Connie: You know, you can listen your intuition, but there’s still… I mean, you need to find out more. You’re never going to know anything on a first date. You’re never going to know everything on a first date, or even four dates in, because I was surprised. And yet I wasn’t surprised. So, the person that you talk to may not be the whole picture. I really think that each time I go out with somebody, it’s a lesson for me, just to listen to my own self and feelings and maybe not process so much like “I’m going to give him another chance.” Maybe I already know and to trust that.
Jodi: Trust your gut.
Connie: Trust my gut. It doesn’t lie.
Jodi: Thank you Connie for being on the podcast. It’s been a treat to have you here.
Connie: Thank you so much.