I Like Him, Now What?

If I like the guy I’ve been out with, what should I do after our first date? -Melinda

Hi Melinda,

As a therapist and relationship coach, I hear this question almost every day in my practice! What do I do after the first date?

First of all, you should check in with yourself to figure out if you want to have another date with him. I know that sounds obvious, but you would be surprised at how many daters just hope for a response even if they are not interested. Ask yourself: How was it to talk with him? Did he ask me questions? Was it fun/interesting? Am I curious about him?

Whatever the answers, you can still reach out to him if you feel moved to do so. If you are not interested, do nothing or just say, “It was really nice meeting you, but I don’t feel a connection. I wish you the best.” Of course, use your own words.

If you want to see him again, say something that makes you sound interested in him, such as: “I really enjoyed our drink/coffee/tea together and hope to get to find out more about (you fill in the blank.)” Or you can just let it be if reaching out doesn’t feel “right”.

The key to dating is to check in with yourself about each experience. You don’t have to try to “figure” out what the other person is thinking. Just do what feels right to YOU and enjoy the adventure of finding someone you “click” with. Then it won’t be such a mystery.