The following is the transcript of this podcast episode.:
Jodi: Welcome, Isabel. It’s terrific to have you on the podcast.
Isabel: Hi, Jodi. Thank you so much for having me.
Jodi: We’re going to talk about a first date that you went on. But before we do that, I know our listeners are interested in hearing about you.
Isabel: Me, I’m a 40-something. I’m married. I have a dog, no children. I love being outdoors and I love practicing yoga.
Jodi: This date that we’re going to talk about, is it a date that you had with the man you’re married to now?
Jodi: Okay. So, somebody else. What’s the name of this somebody else?
Jodi: How did you and Todd cross paths?
Isabel: In my single days, I was out at a bar with some girlfriends, just having fun and this really good looking guy came up to me and started talking to me and offered to buy me a drink. We just kind of hit it off.
Jodi: What were your first impressions about him when he walked up to you?
Isabel: I thought he was really hot!
Jodi: All right. So you were into it. Tell me a little bit about what he looked like.
Isabel: He was just tall, really beautiful eyes, a really great smile, just kind of like that guy that’s just really easy on the eyes.
Jodi: So you were liking what you saw?
Isabel: I was liking what I saw. Apparently, he was too.
Jodi: Yeah, clearly. What happened between the two of you at the bar?
Isabel: Just kind of small talk, chatting, flirting, but that kind of fun, kind of flirting…banter back and forth.
Jodi: What were your girlfriends doing while you were talking to Todd?
Isabel: They were kind of doing their own thing at the bar. Having shots. But they kept looking and kind of giving me that nudge like, “This guy’s a cutie. This guy’s a hottie. Keep up the conversation. Don’t let this one get away.”
Jodi: All right!
Jodi: Where did things go with Todd that night?
Isabel: Nothing spicy really happened. We ended with exchanging numbers and he was like, “I’d really like to see you again. Can I take you to dinner?” I was like, “Yeah, sure. Of course.” I thought it was kind of cool that we were at a bar. It was late, we were a little buzz and he didn’t try anything. I thought that that was actually kind of cool.
Jodi: You thought he was a gentleman.
Isabel: Yeah, I totally thought he was a gentleman. He got hold of me the next day.
Jodi: That’s impressive. He didn’t wait at all. He was ready to just let you know that he was into you.
Isabel: Yes. I was like, “This is a cool guy.” He’s not waiting three, four days – that game guys play. He was really sweet and respectful to me. He was generous and he was hot. What else could a girl ask?
Jodi: Great combination. Yes. Did he text you? Did he call you? How the two of you connect?
Isabel: He texted me, which I was okay with because this is just the way it is these days, texting. It kind of made me a little more comfortable. I could think about what I needed to say rather than feeling right on the spot on the telephone.
Jodi: Did he ask you out when you were texting that day?
Isabel: He did. Yes. The texts were about, “It was really great meeting you,” stuff like that and then he was like, “I’d love to take you to dinner. Are you available Tuesday?” This was Monday. It was the next day.
Jodi: He didn’t want to waste any time.
Isabel: No time wasted.
Jodi: Clearly he was really into you.
Isabel: Clearly. Yeah.
Isabel: Yeah. It felt good.
Jodi: Your response was?
Isabel: Sure. Of course, I’d love to have dinner with you.
Jodi: What happened next?
Isabel: We made plans to meet the following evening at a restaurant closer to my home. I told him I’d meet him there.
Jodi: You met him at a bar.
Isabel: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Jodi: How were you feeling as you were getting ready to go out and meet him?
Isabel: I was excited just to go on a date with a cute guy. I don’t think I was getting butterfly or whatever. But it’s fun to be a girl and it’s fun to get dressed up and to feel pretty and to put your makeup on. So yes, I was in that mode, kind of texting friends, “Hey, is this shirt look good or is that shirt look good? What do you think?”
Jodi: You were into it!
Isabel: I was.
Jodi: Did you get to the restaurant before him?
Isabel: No. He arrived before I did.
Jodi: When you walked in, where was he?
Isabel: He was having a drink, waiting for me. I walked in and I was like, “Hey!” And he turned around. We gave each other a big hug.
Jodi: Did the two of you have a drink at the bar first before you sat down?
Isabel: Yeah. We did. He got me a glass of wine.
Jodi: So how was it being at the bar intentionally together?
Isabel: It was fun. We picked back up on that flirty banter.
Jodi: How were you feeling? And what was he telling you about himself as you were hanging out at the bar together?
Isabel: I was feeling good. I felt I really liked my outfit and he was just complimenting me and kind of asking a lot of questions about me, which is nice and refreshing.
Jodi: That’s nice. What happened after you were done with your drink at the bar?
Isabel: So we had our drink at the bar. The hostess came and said our table was ready. We went and sat…it was a great kind of hip restaurant. It was farm-to-table. We sat outside in this cute little garden that they had. Great music was playing. It was a setup for a great night.
Jodi: Tell me how things went.
Isabel: It was a really great menu. I remember we were talking back and forth…“Oh, you get this. Can I have a bite if you get that?” So already feeling super comfortable with each other.
Jodi: How did things go from there?
Isabel: Things were going great. We were having a great conversation and then we started up another conversation. There’s something in the news. It’s about a football player who was accused of rape, or something, and he’d liked this team and that’s why he’d come up.
Jodi: Todd had liked the team?
Isabel: Todd had liked the football team. We’re talking about it and I was like, “Yeah, that poor woman, it must be really hard with somebody really famous.” And he’s like, “Yeah. Yeah. Well, those people do stuff like that.”
Jodi: He was talking about the football player?
Isabel: Yeah, the football player, those people. I was like, “Those people?” At first I was thinking, “Maybe he just means athletes. Athletes have reputations. They’re kind of players. They have a lot of money. They kind of do whatever they want.” And so I said, “Can you elaborate…those people?” And he was like, “black people.”
Jodi: And you said what to him?
Isabel: “Excuse me?! What do you mean ‘black people’?” He said, “Well, you know, he’s black. Of course he probably raped her.”
Jodi: First of all, that’s outrageous and awful.
Isabel: Horrifically awful.
Jodi: And shameful. The guy is not a gentleman.
Isabel: No, not even close.
Jodi: But there’s an element here that makes it even more harsh.
Isabel: Yes. The element here is….I said, “Are you kidding me?” Went through all that. He wasn’t. And I said, “My father’s black.” His jaw dropped and he’s like, “I just thought you had a really great tan.”
Jodi: That’s just awful! (Laughter)
Isabel: It’s so awful. (Laughter) It’s so awful that all you can do is laugh about it.
Jodi: Exactly. What an idiot! (Laughter)
Isabel: Moron. Completely.
Jodi: How did you handle that? You’re sitting at the table with him. You were attracted to this guy. What did you do?
Isabel: Well, everything I felt about Todd had gone out the door. As I got over the shock, and he was still in his shock about my father being black, I politely ended the dinner. I got to go!
Jodi: Good for you!
Isabel: There’s no reason for me to get crazy, throw a drink in his face. That’s on him. That’s his stuff. Not my stuff.
Jodi: You handled that amazingly well. What a class act you are!
Isabel: Thank you. I think it was just such the shock to be in front of that and really have it happening. I was actually proud of myself that that was my reaction as well.
Jodi: …instead of taking the glass of water and throwing it in his face.
Isabel: Yeah, because if somebody told me that it was their story, the first thing I would think is to get angry and throw the glass of water. But actually being in it, and sitting across and seeing…I think I had more pity for him than anything else.
Jodi: Why did you have pity?
Isabel: Because it’s sad that he was so closed-minded.
Jodi: Perhaps this interaction could have had some impact on his view?
Isabel: Hopefully, it did.
Jodi: You went on a date with a racist!
Isabel: Yes. I did.
Jodi: You in a very dignified manner got up and walked out of that restaurant. Do you remember how you were feeling then? What did you do after you left the restaurant?
Isabel: I was still in shock. I honestly think I was probably talking to myself as I left the restaurant going like, “Did that really just happen?” I was in this like, “Wait, what?” place. So I was still in my own shock. When I left I reached out to one of my girlfriends and said to her, “You’re never going to believe what happened with Todd.” “Hot Todd?” “Yeah, Hot Todd.” “Yeah, Hot Todd is not so hot.”
Isabel: I told her the story and it was just like, “Whoa!” Again, she was in shock and it was just one of those things that we just couldn’t believe and kind of laughed about it. It’s a serious issue, but it was just so shocking.
Isabel: And it’s so obvious that I’m mixed. At least I thought it was.
Jodi: What he saw was a beautiful woman he wanted to get to know.
Jodi: What did you take away from this experience?
Isabel: I was actually really surprised with myself and my reaction and how I handled it. But I also took away that it didn’t stop me from dating. It didn’t stop me from going out and meeting other men. You just never know what’s going to happen on a date. You can have a date that goes sour, you can have a date that goes really sour with a racist. (Laughter)
Jodi: A racist, yeah, you could have a date go really sour with a racist. (Laughter)
Isabel: Or you can go on a date and have a really amazing time. So basically what I got from this is I didn’t give up.
Jodi: It didn’t make you bitter.
Isabel: It didn’t make me bitter. It gave me a really great story that I could tell on dates with guys who were really great.
Jodi: Yes, and on a podcast.
Isabel: And on a podcast. Who knew?
Jodi: Now that you’ve had time to reflect back on this and it’s a few years later, what advice do you have for women?
Isabel: My advice would be don’t play small. Speak your mind. Stick up for yourself and don’t allow it just to keep a man in the room with you because there are a lot of great men out there and it’s not worth it if a guy says something that you feel uncomfortable with. Get up, walk away, and stay strong. Respect yourself.
Jodi: That is superb advice.
Isabel: Thank you.
Jodi: And you did all of that. Thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing this really shocking, but memorable, and now laughable story.
Isabel: Thank you for having me.