Donna and Joe
The following is the transcript of this podcast episode.:
Jodi: Donna, welcome. It’s terrific to have you on the podcast today.
Donna: Well, thanks for having me today.
Jodi: We’re going to get into your First Date Story. Before we do, please tell us a little about yourself.
Donna: Well, I am a health and wellness practitioner. I’m in my 50s. I own my own business and I’m also a mom.
Jodi: You’re a busy woman! (Laughter)
Donna: I am. Yes.
Jodi: Who did you go on this date with and when did you go on the date?
Donna: Well, I was in my late 30s, around 38, and I was doing some online dating and I went on this particular date with Joe. We went to dinner.
Jodi: What online platform did you meet him on?
Donna: We met on Match.
Jodi: Who contacted who first?
Donna: He contacted me because my whole idea on Match was to do my dating differently than I had in the past. I took some advice from a girlfriend who said I needed to stop going after guys and I needed to just respond the guys who went after me so I would know that they’re interested in me.
Jodi: Did you do it for a while, or did you meet Joe shortly after you took this approach?
Donna: I did it for a couple of months and I was very considerate about it. I’ve responded to people. If we went on dates, I followed up. It was time consuming and also I was going to school fulltime and working full-time. There was a lot I was doing. I took a break and then I went back to it, and in the second round is when I met Joe.
Jodi: What did you think when you read his profile?
Donna: I thought he was kind of cute and I thought, “Well, you know, he looks interesting.” And again, he reached out to me. So I was responding to his initiation of the conversation.
Jodi: You went back and forth a few times with emails?
Donna: Yeah. We started with emails and then it was a phone call and then we talked a little bit on the phone before we made a date.
Jodi: Do you remember how that phone call went?
Donna: We got along really well. We had a great conversation. He was fun to talk to and easy and I like that. I felt like myself I didn’t have to act in any way that felt not normal for me. So I felt very at ease.
Jodi: Did he ask you out during the conversation or afterwards?
Donna: At the end of the conversation he suggested we go have dinner. And usually with the other guys that I had been dating, I would only meet for coffee. In a way it was an easier situation to have a limited amount of time with somebody to see if you wanted to commit to dinner because it’s a bigger commitment. But we had gotten along so well on the phone that I felt comfortable saying yes to dinner.
Jodi: It is not typical for a woman to go for a dinner for the first date…but you took a chance there.
Donna: Well, it felt good and it felt right.
Jodi: Do you remember how you were feeling before you went out to dinner with him that night?
Donna: Yeah. Well, I was feeling excited because I knew that at the very least, I was going to have a nice time because he’s a nice guy and we got along really well on the phone. But the other thing about my mindset during this whole dating period was I’m just cultivating dating energy. And I know this sounds funny, but I just wanted to get out and date and I wasn’t so focused on…I’ve got to meet my husband. So what I did was I just was thinking I’m going to go out and I’m going to have a nice time with this person who seems really great.
Jodi: Sounds like a very healthy approach.
Donna: It was. It helped me to have really nice dates and meet a lot of great people and to be in more of an objective space of, “Is this guy someone I want to see again?”
Jodi: So, the evening rolled around. Did you meet him at the restaurant?
Donna: We met at a local Thai food restaurant.
Jodi: Did you get there first? Did he get there first?
Donna: He got there first. I saw him waiting outside for me.
Jodi: Oh, he waited outside.
Donna: He waited outside. He opened the door. He was very, very polite and very gentlemanly.
Jodi: And then what happened?
Donna: We had a lovely dinner. I adore Thai food, so that was good. Again, it was kind of like being on the phone with him. We just had a great conversation, lots of fun sharing of information. I just remember one point that I’ll share. He and I had similarities like meditation and Buddhism and just a healthy lifestyle. But also, he was, at the time….he could do something called “read auric fields.” So, around the person are colors and colors emit in different colors depending on how you’re feeling and what’s going on for you. I knew what he was talking about. I looked at him and I said, “Oh, you can read auric fields? So, you can obviously tell if I’m lying to you.” And he said, “Yes.” Not that I would lie but it was just kind of funny to be just authentic and be real and be present. (Laughter)
Jodi: A different level of connection!
Donna: It was a different level of connection, exactly.
Jodi: I would guess a lot of the people who he would meet on dates weren’t as familiar with this whole area as you.
Donna: Yes. So we have that, and it was another way that we bonded because I understood what he was talking about.
Jodi: How did things end up at the end of the day of the date?
Donna: Well, the date went on for about six hours.
Jodi: Six hours? Okay! So, it started with dinner.
Donna: It started with dinner.
Jodi: Please take us through what happened after dinner.
Donna: Well, we were having such a good time, so we said, “Well, why don’t we take a walk?” Then we went for tea. So the date went on for a long time because we were just having such a great time. We both just didn’t want to end it.
Jodi: That’s fantastic! You were not looking at your watch.
Donna: No, not at all! (Laughter)
Jodi: The sun had set long ago!
Donna: Yes. We were just having a great time, great conversation, and laughing and having fun.
Jodi: How were you feeling?
Donna: I’d been on a lot of dates at that point, but none of them were the kind of connection like this one was, like talking about auric fields. I hadn’t been on any other date where you talk about auric fields. It’s not a common thing that you talk about to anybody, let alone, you know, your first date.
Jodi: That’s for sure. So after six hours, what happened?
Donna: Eventually the date ended. It was getting late. We said goodbye. And every time I finished a date, I put my hand out to shake their hand because many people that I was dating…it was a nice, but there was no real connection. So, I was always just so pleasant about it, and courteous and clear, that there wasn’t going to be another date. I really wanted to be respectful of their time and their energy and thank them for a lovely date. So, I thanked him for a lovely date and he said, “Well, can I at least get a hug?” And I was like, “Oh, yes, of course!” But I didn’t want to presume, you know, even though we had such a great time. So, we had a lovely hug and he said he’d really like to see me again.
Donna: And then I said, “That would be great, but I got a couple more dates lined up this week.”
Jodi: You said that?
Donna: Yes. (Laughter)
Jodi: You didn’t want to seal the deal right then and there?
Donna: Well, I just wanted to be honest again. I was fulltime in acupuncture school. I was fulltime at a job. So, when I planned out my week, I had already planned my three dates for the week. I know, it’s just kind of crazy and that’s how I am. And so I kind of felt like it wouldn’t have been nice to cancel the other people last minute even though I knew I really like this guy. He was the first guy of anybody that I dated that I really wanted to see again.
Jodi: Did you tell the other guys anything about him?
Jodi: Your policy of honesty?
Donna: No. It was just a couple of coffee dates basically. Have some coffee, meet a nice guy and say “thank you very much for your time.”
Jodi: Did those dates help confirm how you felt about Joe?
Donna: In retrospect, probably yeah. It really did confirm that this guy was something special.
Jodi: But you knew that.
Donna: I did. Yeah.
Jodi: You knew that down deep, didn’t you?
Donna: Yeah, I did. Yeah. He was definitely different. We had a connection like I hadn’t had with anybody.
Jodi: So, the date ends and you go on a second. Now fast forward to today. What happened next?
Donna: Well, first off, I have to say by the time I got home, he had already emailed me and thanked me for such a lovely time and I was really impressed. He didn’t do any kind of weird “I can’t talk to her for three days” sort of rule. There’s all this kind of stuff that happens in dating that can be kind of crazy. But already, by the time I got home, there was email waiting for me saying that he had just a lovely time and he enjoyed it and couldn’t wait to see me again.
Jodi: That is so sweet!
Jodi: A man who’s really genuine with his thoughts, and who is not afraid to put them out there, is a man to know, whether romantically or otherwise.
Donna: It was great. And I saved all the emails.
Jodi: You did?
Donna: I did.
Jodi: Tell us what happened after date two?
Donna: Well, I stopped dating others. I took my profile off the dating site. We started seeing each other on a regular basis and we had a lot of fun together. I remember going into one of my classes and just saying to a friend, “I met a special guy!” And it was just so fun to be able to say that I met somebody really nice.
Jodi: After a lot, a lot of years, it sounds like, meeting maybe nice guys, maybe not as nice guys.
Donna: Yeah. And a lot of time just being single too and just not really dating and not getting out there. So it was nice to finally have someone special in my life.
Jodi: What happened after that second date?
Donna: Well, we dated for a while, we fell in love, and then I told my roommate that he had to move out because I was moving my boyfriend in. (Laughter)
Jodi: Love it! Love it!
Donna: Then we got married and we’ve been married now for 16 years.
Jodi: Congratulations. Online dating works!
Donna: I know. I can’t believe it, but it does.
Jodi: For all the listeners who are online and questioning whether, in fact, it can work for them, what will you tell them?
Donna: I would tell them that going at it with the energy of just getting out there to meet people and date is how you should approach it because I think that it wouldn’t have been as good an experience for me if I had always approached every single person thinking, “Is this the guy?” Because then that’s just going to drive you nuts and it’s not any fun. Go at it with the attitude of “I’m just going to meet some new people, I’m going to have some fun.” I kept saying to myself, “I might not meet the guy that I end up marrying, but maybe he has a coworker or a cousin who says, ‘You know what? You’d be a good match for them.'” And I really thought that’s how it was going to work out. It didn’t, but I think because I was so open about just having fun and meeting people and getting out there that that’s why it just kind of works so naturally and nicely.
Jodi: That’s great advice for everybody listening, and it’s great advice in life, just to be out there and be open.
Donna: Yeah. It worked out well.
Jodi: It sure did!
Donna: Thank you, Donna.
Jodi: Oh, so you’re welcome. It’s so fun to be here.