Jazine and Chad

The following is the transcript of this podcast episode:

Jodi: Jazine, hello and welcome to the podcast. It is terrific to have you here on this episode.

Jazine: Awesome! It’s great to be here.

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Jodi: We’re going to talk about your date soon. Let’s talk about you first. Please tell me and our listeners a bit about you.

Jazine: I don’t even know where to start. Mid-40s, divorced, I was with someone about 11 years. I really went through most of my growing into my own during the years with this person. It’s about eight years since we divorced. I didn’t want to really meet anyone at the time. Now I’ve been single and in the dating world for officially four years and probably only online for three.

Jodi: Is the date we’re going to talk about a result of you meeting someone online or offline?

Jazine: Online. I was told by many friends, male and female, who have met online, been married and have children, their great success stories. So they have all pushed me to really go for it. I just didn’t grow up with online dating. It’s not my forte. I get very stressed about dating because when we were growing up you met someone through a friend or at a bar. It’s just much more natural. Otherwise, you’re just kind of online shopping and swiping.

Jodi: Did you meet him on a dating app or an online site?

Jazine: I met him on Hinge, which is a dating app. I think at the time I’d also tried Tinder. Years before I had tried Match and then I just got stressed out and stopped. I heard Hinge was kind of in between of Tinder and Match where you’re kind of going out experiencing and having fun with it. But it’s not, it’s just swipe, swipe hookup type.

Jodi: Who liked who first?

Jazine: He liked me and I kind of this mindset that I feel and I still do this where I feel like they have to make the first move. Occasionally, I’ll step outside of my comfort zone and be the first, but I usually will wait until someone approaches me.

Jodi: This guy approached you? What’s his name and what did you think?

Jazine: His name is Chad. He was funny. His profile was funny. On Hinge you’re allowed to put a little bit of verbiage and you put your pictures and you can make comments. All of his comments about his own pictures were entertaining. That kind of caught my eye. Not that I really do have a type in particular. I really don’t. Probably “humor” is my type. He wasn’t unattractive but it wasn’t “the hottest man in the room kind of thing” either. So, I just started chatting with him and then he asked me to go out.

Jodi: And you did. You said yes!

Jazine: I said yes. And I thought our banter for the next few days was really funny. I was out of town at a friend’s house for most of the week and came back to have the date with him on a Saturday night. He called me Saturday morning, which I thought was really great. He said, “Hey, you know, I just wanted to chat with you before our date tonight. I’m really excited.” We talked for over an hour on the phone.

Jodi: Really?

Jazine: Yeah.

Jodi: This was your first conversation with him?

Jazine: It was our first conversation. I’d only been on, maybe, three other online dates at that point. I would go on a few and then I’d get caught up with work and stressed out and didn’t want to bother with it. Maybe it was my fourth online date. I didn’t know what to expect. I was definitely impressed with the fact that he picked up the phone and called me because not many people in this day and age do that–kind of old school.

Yeah, that was nice. I was doing some work on my friend’s house with him with some landscape design, so I wasn’t really dressed in the most glamorous outfit and he said, “You know, I happen to drop my car off to get serviced. I’m here until 6pm until my car is done. Do you just want to come to this mall and meet me at the mall?” And I was like, “Wow! This is really old school. Okay…so we’re having a mall date?”

Jodi: People in their 40s meeting at the mall! (Laughter)

Jazine: At the mall! Like I said, I do not online dating. Is this normal? I just kind of went with it even though I was thinking, “Oh, I really wanted to go have drink and watch the game.” Instead I said, “Okay, but I’m not really dressed appropriately just so you know.” And he said, “No worries. No worries.” So, he asked me to come meet him at the Cheesecake Factory, which is at the mall.

Jodi: Very old school!

Jazine: Very old school. He was a little bit younger than me. I think he was about three or four years younger than me. He obviously had put pictures up online. I got there and he’s sitting at the bar at the Cheesecake Factory. He has his computer screen open. He’s definitely about 20 pounds heavier than his pictures! They were old pictures. I was like, “Let’s just do the deep breaths. You got this. You got this.”

He’s like, “All right, would you like a drink?” I said, “Sure.” It’s not like Cheesecake Factory has the best Vino. So I just didn’t really like any of them. I said, “I’m not trying to be difficult, but I just don’t… and I’m driving so I can’t really have a cocktail and drive afterwards.”

Jodi: And, it’s three something in the afternoon.

Jazine: Yes. So he said, “Well, do you want a bottle of Veuve?” And….oh…twist! Okay. All right, this is getting a little better. So, he orders the Veuve. We’re talking and he tells me he’s from the Midwest and he’s telling me a little bit about himself and where he went to school. Then he starts talking about the car that he had to drop off and what kind of car it is and that it’s custom and I’m just…“Oh, man, this is not… if you only knew what my ex-boyfriend drove. I don’t really care about this conversation right now.”

Then he starts talking about taxes and I said, “I really don’t want to talk about taxes. It stresses me out. It’s due…..it’s one week away. I don’t want to deal with this conversation.” And he literally takes his computer screen, turns it towards me and says, “I mean, look if you made that much money!….”

Jodi: No way!

Jazine: He showed me his tax return on the computer, laptop, that he had opened at the bar at Cheesecake Factory! Yes!

Jodi: That was his big move?

Jazine: That was his big move!

Jodi: Oh my goodness!

Jazine: That and his custom Porsche.

Jodi: Oh my goodness! (Laughter)

Jazine: And so yeah.

Jodi: That’s really going for it out the gate.

Jazine: It gets better. I can’t make this up.

Jodi: What were you thinking?

Jazine: I looked at him and I said, “Are you freaking kidding me right now?” And he said, “What?” I’m like, “I do not need to know how much money you make. I make my own money. I don’t need to see that. Can you please close your computer?”

Then I was on a roll. All right, I’m just going to say exactly what I think. Because like I said, I’m wondering, is this normal? Do people do this on first dates?

Jodi: Not usually. (Laughter)

Jazine: Okay. That should have been my sign right there! Then we’re finishing up. We’d had two glasses, each, of champagne at that point, and a bunch of water. He said, “Hey, do you mind giving me a ride back to the dealership to get my car?”

I’m not worried about him, but I’m thinking, “He’s kind of an A-hole. I’m driving right past it–two exits. I’m really a jerk if I don’t”. So, I said, “Well, okay, I guess so.” And he’s says, “Or you can just drop me off in the morning.”

Jodi: Seriously? (Laughter)

Jazine: “Oh, you think this is going that way?” I said, “It’s not going to happen.” Just when you think it can get worse, oh, it does!

Jodi: He said that with a straight face?

Jazine: Yeah. And you know he was just… he’s kind of…he’s an interesting bird, obviously.

Jodi: Was he kidding when he said that? Was he joking, was there a little wink of the eye?

Jazine: I think that there was a combination of both. I think that he was fishing to find out how far he could push me.

Jodi: You had every reason to be feeling as you were.

Jazine: Yeah. So I gave him a ride to his car.

Jodi: Oh, you did?

Jazine: Oh, yeah.

Jodi: You gave him a ride after that?

Jazine: I did.

Jodi: Okay. Wow!

Jazine: Like I said, I wasn’t really concerned about my safety at all. It was more that I just didn’t want to look like the A-hole by not giving him a ride two exits up. So I did, I gave him a ride. Then he had to point out which car was his, of course. “Look at her. She’s beautiful!” I’m like, “Great. Get out.”

And then I’m leaving and he calls me…“Listen, I hope you’re not taking me too seriously. I just like joking around, trying to tease. That’s just my personality. Our date was really for tonight. Can I please take you to go watch the game and then to eat?” And I said, “Well, I don’t know?” I didn’t have any other plans because I was planning I’m going out to dinner with him. So, I agreed to go meet him because I thought, “All right, I’ll give him another…He’s kind of asking me for another chance, a redo.” So, I said, “All right.” Maybe I just need to do this because some people are just not good right off the cusp, but I’m not sure.

Jodi: Some are not. But they usually don’t show their tax returns.

Jazine: I go home. I changed just into some jeans because it was getting cooler out, nothing fancy. We were going to a sports bar restaurant. I get there and he’s got a seat already at the bar. We ended up having a fun conversation and just kind of talking about… he’s very into some of the same things that I am, which I’m very active, I’m very into snowboarding, hiking, golfing, biking. That was fun to talk about, and we talked about the different places we’d gone. He’s a snowboarder as well. We talked about the different places all over the country that we’ve snowboarded.

I was sitting there and he was on his phone and I thought it was kind of weird and he goes, “Oh, hey, I just want to give you a heads up. I invited my “bitchy” girlfriend to come have a drink with us.”

Jodi: What??

Jazine: I’m like, “Wait!” “He said” Oh, yeah, she’ll be right here. She lives right at the street. I just thought it’d be cool. I’m new to the area and we’re here and I’ve never been here. So I invited her to come.” I’m like, “Okay?”

Jodi: Explain that, please. (Laughter)

Jazine: I don’t know how to explain it. What crosses your mind that it’s okay to invite someone, a girlfriend–a bitchy girlfriend–to come hang out with us on our first date?

Jodi: Why would someone even want to do that unless he had designs down the line?

Jazine: Don’t know the answer to that. At that point, I did not know the answer to that. So she comes in and he introduced us and just like “Hey, how’s it going?”

Jodi: Why did she even show up?

Jazine: She had no idea that we were on a first date.

Jodi: Oh!

Jazine: I didn’t know that at that time. And so she gets there and she’s like, “Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you.” He gets up and lets her sit at the bar and he’s standing. So then he’s like, “Hey, yeah, let’s order some food.” Oh my God, this is so awkward. I don’t know what’s happening right now! So, I’m like, “Can I have another drink, please?” Because he has his card down. (Laughter)

Jodi: And he’s got a lot of money!

Jazine: Oh yeah, obviously since he’s shared that!  She sits down, we’re all talking for a while, and she’s asks how long I’ve lived in the city and says that she lives up the street, and she’s going on and on. I eventually said, “I have to go to the restroom. Excuse me.”

I texted or called my girlfriend. I’m like, “He invited a girl on our first date! What the heck is going on here?” And I’m just…I guess I’m naïve to the point.  I just don’t understand any of it quite yet. So then I come back and I sit down. She kept saying to me the whole time, “You look so familiar to me. You look so familiar.” I said, “You don’t look familiar to me.” I really suck at names, but faces, I got. “No, I don’t recognize you at all.” So, I sit back down and she says, “Oh my gosh! Do you know such-and-such person?” It’s a guy I used to date!

Jodi: Really? Small world!

Jazine: I had dated him the year before. I met him through a colleague from work and we had dated for a while. He was here for three months. I went to visit him in New Zealand, which was amazing! It was a beautiful trip, and then he came back. While he was here, she’s like, “Oh, when he was visiting you, we went and had coffee.” And I was like, “How do you know him?” She said, “Oh, when he was here the year before, we had gone on Tinder dates.”

Gosh! This is getting so much more weird right now. (Laughter)

Jodi: Yes it is!

Jazine: I’m also like, “How do you know who I am?”

Jodi: Did he show her a picture of you?

Jazine: She Facebook-stalked him because she’s friends with him on Facebook. I’m not friends with her on Facebook. So anyways, I thought, “Wow! He went out to coffee with you while he was visiting and staying with me? This is getting more even interesting.”

Jodi: Good thing that your relationship did not go to distance with him.

Jazine: No. No. We took a picture together. I said, “Let’s take a selfie and send it to him.”

Jodi: Oh my goodness!

Jazine: Oh, yeah. We took a selfie. We send it to him. He responded to her right away with “Wow! Small world.” And I was like, “Really? Are you freaking serious? You went out with her when you were visiting me?”

Jodi: Oh my goodness!

Jazine: We’re still friends. We worked through that. But anyways…

Jodi: Chad is standing there the whole time. What’s he doing?

Jazine: Chad is there. He thinks this is hilarious. He decides that we’re all going to eat some food. At this point I’ve had a few drinks and I need some food. So we had a few drinks and then finally I just said, “You know, I think it’s time for me to go. I’m going to go hang out with my ‘bitchy’ girlfriend at a different bar.” So I said, “Yeah, I’m leaving.”

“Well, where you’re going?” And I said, “I’m going to my neighborhood bar to meet my ‘bitchy’ girlfriend.” Actually let me step back. At one point, she realized that he and I were on a first date and she said, “I had no idea you guys were on a first date. I never would have come.” I’m like, “Well, okay, that’s good to know.”

Jodi: You went out with the guy that I was going out with!

Jazine: And I don’t know what’s happening here. His bitchy girlfriend is it really his girlfriend, or is it not?

Jodi: What happened next?

Jazine: He paid the tab and he was heading home. Neither one of them had been to my neighborhood bar, which is very popular, and they invited themselves. I was just so speechless. I couldn’t even tell them no, that they couldn’t come and I was just like, “Okay. What is happening right now?”

Jodi: They just said, “We’re going with you”?

Jazine: Yeah. It wasn’t “Can we go?” He was, “Oh, we’re going with you. We’ve never been there. That will be awesome. I want to meet your bitchy friend.”

Jodi: No boundaries at all!

Jazine: None. Zero.

Jodi: No clue?

Jazine: It was very bizarre. I’m like, “I’m just going to get to my bitchy girlfriend because she really is one, and I love her for it. She is not afraid to speak her mind and she is amazing and the queen of one-liners, and she’s just going to rip them apart. It might be kind of entertaining after everything I just went through.”

Jodi: What do you think he was after in all of this?

Jazine: Well, we finally get there. He puts his credit card down and my bitchy girlfriend is there with this guy she’s dating. Chad just starts ordering drinks for us all. So, I’m like, “Oh my gosh! This is awesome. Let’s just keep ordering drinks.” And again, I’ve never done this before…I pay for my own drinks. I’ve never done this.

We just decided that we were going to milk it, he was such… he was an A-hole. He was. He was a prick. So, we just started drinking and then he just started getting more and more drunk and he started flirting with girls in front of me.

Jodi: With other women in the bar?

Jazine: Right in front of me, purposely to bother me. I said, “Have at it. Good luck. She can have you.” And he’s like, “What? Are you getting jealous?” I’m like, “Nope.” I got to the point that I need to leave. I was getting ready to leave and I said, “You know, I have to ask you something because I’m so baffled. I’m not a big dater. I’m new to this dating scene. I need to understand what was going on in your freaking head when you thought it was okay to invite your bitchy girlfriend on our first date without asking me. I really don’t know. I’m trying to educate myself right now.” And he looks at me and says, “Well, you know how we know each other, right?” His bitchy girlfriend and him. And I said, “No.” And he’s says, “Oh, yeah, I shagged her on our first date on Tinder and we just had been friends ever since.”

Jazine: “What is wrong with you? How is that supposed to make this any better? You just made this night so much worse!”

Jodi: So, he wanted a three-way?

Jazine: I think that was the takeaway. He wanted a three-way and I just looked at him and I just said, “Wow! You are an A-hole.” And you know, he kept trying to take me out after that.

Jodi: It doesn’t surprise me.

Jazine: Yeah.

Jodi: You’re a catch and he couldn’t have you.

Jazine: Oh my God! Never!

Jodi: That is quite a story, Jazine! But you didn’t give up on dating?

Jazine: No, I did not. You know, my takeaway I think from that was really to use your words. We have a mouth and I have a big mouth. So use it. Don’t feel uncomfortable in your space. It was my space and I allowed him to kind of infiltrate my space without putting up boundaries. If you’re not comfortable in a situation, or with someone, just leave. Don’t suck it up for too long and create a really interesting situation and story that I get to share now. I will say it took a little break after that one.

Jodi: I understand why you would and now you’ve shared a really memorable story with all of us at First Date Stories.

Jazine: Yeah.

Jodi: Lots of us can learn from your experience. Thank you for sharing what happened and thank you for sharing your takeaways from it all.

Jazine: Thank you for having me. It’s been awesome.


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