Lexi and Sam

The following is the transcript of this podcast episode.:

Jodi: Hello, Lexi. It’s a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on the show to tell me, and to tell our fabulous listeners, about a standout first date that you went on.

Lexi: Thank you, Jodi. I am so honored and thrilled to be talking to you.

Jodi: Before we delve into the details of your standout date, could you please share a little bit about yourself?

Lexi: I am a 56-year-old woman stuck in a mindset of a teenager. I live by the beach. I love my life. I work in marketing and I bought my Barbie dream house a couple of years ago and work out of my pool house and have no complaints.

Jodi: That’s tremendous! So tell me, who is the person who you went on this date with?

Lexi: His name is Sam.

Jodi: How long ago did this date take place?

Lexi: It was January 1, 2017.

Jodi: I am so curious. How did this first date get scheduled on New Year’s Day?

Lexi: It was over the holidays that we had discovered each other, and it was the first available day that either of us had to get together. So it just seemed like, why not?

Jodi: What was going on in your life at this time?

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Lexi: I was single. I really wanted to be partnered with somebody, and look, I’m going to be honest with you. I was really lazy. I was just on Tinder. I was even too lazy to be on Match.com. I was really busy with my career. I had recently hired a dating coach to help me figure out what am I doing wrong, why am I not attracting the right guy. I am attractive. I am successful. I have an exciting life. I don’t have a squeaky voice or a low voice. I don’t have big hands. I don’t have anything that’s annoying by a Seinfeld standard, I would say. (Laughter)

So I hired a dating coach and I spent a couple of weeks working with him, doing assignments with him. So I was ready to meet somebody and I, being too busy, did something really bold. I hired a professional matchmaker to find me the man of my dreams.

Jodi: You were busy, but you wanted to meet that guy and you wanted to be kind of efficient about it?

Lexi: Yes. You know, it’s funny, there’s so much stigma around meeting people online. “Tinder,” people say it with hushed voices. Meeting through a matchmaker is something that traditionally men hire a matchmaker to do. But one of my clients had a friend who was a matchmaker. He asked my permission, “Is it okay if they call you? You’re such a good catch. I don’t know why you’re single.” So I said, “Sure.”

The matchmaker called and I justified it like, “You know what? It’s like hiring a headhunter. If you want to find a good employee, you hire an executive recruiter because they’re going to spend all the time sifting through the candidates for you.” It made perfect sense for me.

Jodi: I don’t think there’s a stigma or really a big issue about women hiring matchmakers anymore. You say it used to be done that way, but I’ve talked to a good number of women who have hired matchmakers.

Lexi: I haven’t heard of that.

Jodi: Yeah. It’s really interesting that you were talking with your clients about what you wanted in your life and that you were looking for love.

Lexi: You’ve got to put it out there, and that’s how everything I have has ever come to me. I have told people what I’m looking for. Some people would be uncomfortable doing that. But for me, that’s how I built my business. That’s how I live in the house I live in. You just got to let people know what you’re looking for.

Jodi: Had you been married before?

Lexi: No, I’d never been married. Always happily single. I had had long-term relationships that were fantastic, but I never wanted children and I’ve always been financially independent. I was raised by a feminist, so I didn’t feel a real need to get married. There was absolutely no pressure from my family and I didn’t feel that I needed that to feel like I had a commitment from someone.

Jodi: Had Sam been married before?

Lexi: He had, but it was eons ago. I believe it had been 25 years. He also had a daughter from another relationship who he had helped raise and was very proud of. She has three kids and he loves his grandkids.

Oh, and part of the thing with the matchmaker, and this was another reason why I was so hard to find somebody for, is I was very specific that I did not want someone with kids at home because I didn’t want to be the “girlfriend every other weekend.” I wanted to be the girlfriend every weekend. If someone had kids at home, and let’s say they were under 18 and it was their kid’s birthday, and it was also my company’s Christmas party, or it was a big exciting work event function I had, or something important to me, the kid will always come first. And the kid should always come first. I’m a strong believer in that. So I never wanted that decision to have to be made.

I wanted it to be really easy. Kids are all grown, if there are kids. They’re gone out of the house and you will be my sole focus, and that was really important to me. He had been married before, had a grown daughter with three grandkids. They lived somewhere else in the country, and that was perfect.

Jodi: I understand what you’re talking about. You didn’t want that competitive situation. You wanted to be able to be a couple together, and you were happy if he had a grown family that you could potentially be involved with.

Lexi: Absolutely. Many men that age are divorced with kids bouncing back and forth. So it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have that situation. And to make me an even more difficult person, I didn’t want a guy who had kids far away either because, and we all know parents that are divorced where the teenager decides, “I’m going to go live with mom” or “I’m going to go live with dad.”

I could see the writing on the wall there. I looked at my crystal ball and I said, “Uh-oh! I don’t care that they’re 7 and 12 now and they live in a completely different time zone. I’m not going to have my life disrupted by a teenager years from now who decides that they want to come live with you.” And I had enough girlfriends who had married men who had kids, that had had bad experiences. But they’re not all bad. I’ve had friends with good experiences too. But I had enough who had bad experiences that I knew it wasn’t for me.

Jodi: At least you knew what you wanted. There’s a lot to be said for that. I say hats off to you that you knew what you wanted, and then Sam came into your life.

Lexi: He did.

Jodi: Tell me what happened when you met with the matchmaker.

Lexi: The matchmaker was used to women who all wanted the same thing, the guy that was really well-off, the CEO of a company, tall, dark, and handsome, or he had to drive a Porsche. I had very specific things that were different than the matchmaker was used to. So this was a little difficult for them. I didn’t care if he was the CEO of a company. Like I said, I didn’t need the financial support, and I knew from dating successful men, the more successful a guy is, the less time he has for you. You’re never going to see them because they’re putting their nose to the grindstone.

Two things I learned from dating really successful guys, and I’m not saying that I didn’t want someone that was successful, but there’s a certain type of thing that happens where a guy is so successful that you’re insignificant, your career is insignificant, and my career has always been really important to me. I completely identify by what I do and I’m established. I’m an author. I wanted to be known for those things, kind of flaunt how successful I was. But successful men don’t care because they’re fully prepared to support you financially, and the other things are not important to them. That’s something that I learned through my dating coach. So I told the matchmaker I was looking for was someone who was adventurous and exciting. I didn’t care if they were the CEO. I wanted someone who liked to have fun and one of my requests was that they could drive on the left side of the road because I love to travel. I’ve been to 50 countries and I wanted somebody that had time to travel too.

Jodi: You weren’t necessarily looking for somebody who was American? You wanted somebody for a partnership so that you too could be together and do things together.

Lexi: Yes, and I did not care what nationality they were. That wasn’t important to me at all.

Jodi: But you clearly cared about who they are inside.

Lexi: And I think that’s key, who they are inside. When I tell you more about who this person was, I think you’re going to see that listeners would be hard pressed to find anybody who has the character of this person. And it’s a beautiful story.

Jodi: Well, let’s get into it then. So the matchmaker, after she met with you, did she provide you with a list of guys? How did it work?

Lexi: It took forever. I couldn’t believe it. I was wondering, “What’s taking so long?” It was around the holidays. I remember, I’m friends with all my ex-boyfriends and I had gotten together with an ex-boyfriend. And he’s like, “What do you mean they haven’t found you anyone yet?” Because he knew I was a good catch too. So I said, “I don’t know.” And he said, “Maybe you should get your money back.”

Then they sent me one person. And the matchmaker said, “Look, I know this guy is wrong for you, but I’m getting pressure from the company to send you somebody, so I’m just going to send you this guy.” And yeah, he was all wrong. He was a weekend marathoner. It’s funny. My ex-boyfriend that was saying like, “What’s taking them so long?” The reason that he and I weren’t together is he was a weekend sports enthusiast. It wasn’t my thing. So I didn’t want a guy that was a marathoner on the weekends or every week. Every Sunday for four hours they played soccer. I didn’t want that. I wanted somebody that we could do things together. It wouldn’t just be me, doing his thing.

Then she sent me the one guy and said, “Yeah, this kind of guy lives in a pretty homogenous part of town,” and I didn’t want that guy. So I waited a little while longer. Then she called me up and said, “I think I’ve found the perfect guy for you.” I was so excited! She sent his profile, some pictures, and of course I had to look him up on the internet, Google stalk him. First of all, he was very handsome. He had a company that was kind of an adventure-type of company. So I was, “Wow. Okay. That sounds good.” What I read about Sam is that he had given a kidney to a complete stranger and essentially save that person’s life.

Photo by Jessica Lewis from Pexels

Jodi: That tells you a lot about him right away.

Lexi: It says everything about him! It’s really hard to find somebody who’s selfless and I wanted somebody who was a good guy. We all want that good guy. How he ended up giving us kidney to somebody is — and I didn’t know all of this at the time, I learned it on our date– that he was with some friends on a trip. They’d brought up something about a friend of theirs who was in need of the kidney. She’s a firefighter, and she had been in a fire.

She had already gotten one kidney donated and that was a number of years ago and that kidney was now failing. So she needed to get a new kidney transplant but there wasn’t a donor for her. The friends were talking about her, and Sam said, “I would do that.” Can you imagine? He goes back in his hotel room that night. He’s in a foreign country, right? He’s on vacation. He doesn’t have to do this. And he sends her a letter and he says, “You don’t know me, but I know your friends and your friends love you and I love your friends. So therefore, the transformative power of love, I must love you too, and I want to give you my kidney.”

Jodi: That’s extraordinary!

Lexi: I know. And here am I. I can be quite generous, but I can also be very selfish. I’m the first to admit that. To ask me even for a ride to the airport, it’s like, “Really? I’d rather give you my kidney.” (Laughter) I thought this could be a really good person for me to date because it would really put new perspective on what it’s like to be a good kindhearted, altruistic person. He ended up not being a match for that woman, but he ended up being a match for somebody else. The person that he was a match for has a number of children, and those children didn’t offer to give a kidney to their parent!

It was a complete stranger who did, and that’s who has his kidney now. So I knew that he was somebody that I couldn’t wait to meet. And how I found out about him was his kidney recipient had written something on Facebook and that’s where it came up. But it’s not something that he would have even brought up on our first date because he was just that kind of guy.

Jodi: It doesn’t sound like that’s his style. He sounds like an understated person who leads with his heart. We don’t have enough of those people in the world these days.

Lexi: I agree. And by the way, I had to not let him know that I Google stalked him! So I couldn’t really bring it up on the date because I didn’t want to say like, “Oh, hey, I stalked you on Google and went 17 pages in and trying to find everything I could about you.” I think I might’ve said like, “Oh, I looked you up on LinkedIn,” which I think is acceptable to do.

Jodi: Absolutely. It’s done by most everybody. I was wondering how you handled that, the Google stalking. It seems like you left that off the table.

Lexi: Oh, wait. I have to tell you something that I forgot. Sam somehow had cajoled my name out of the matchmaker because he wasn’t in the system. He got a call from someone who works for the company and they said, “I have the perfect woman for you.” He was very suspect.

He didn’t need anybody to set him up. He was doing fine on his own. He hadn’t heard from this woman in years and he had actually tried to get in contact with her a couple times about something, and she never returned his calls. So suddenly here she is wanting something from him and his thought process — writing stories in his head was, “Oh, so you have someone that is unattractive or has some quality like big hands or low talker,” one of those Seinfeld things. (Laughter)

Jodi: Seinfeld. Yes!

Lexi: That’s right. “And you’re going to try to pass her off on me?” So he’s like, “Yeah, yeah, okay, send me a photo.” As I said, I’m photogenic. So they sent him a couple of photos. Somehow he knew my first name, and he knew what I did for a living. I have an unusual occupation. He looked me up on Google and he said there were 600 pages about me on Google!

Jodi: Did you know that? Have you ever counted?

Lexi: I knew there was a lot. So he called her back and he said, “Look, this woman is SO far out of my league. Plus, she’s 20 years younger than me. There’s no way she’ll go out with me.” They had to say, “Look, she doesn’t want a CEO. She wants somebody adventurous and she’s not 20 years younger than you. She’s a couple of years younger than you.” That is something that I always laugh about, that we both had our preconceived notions.

Jodi: And they were completely wrong! The two of you both made assumptions and your assumptions could not have been more wrong. What does that say about how we jump to conclusions?

Lexi: We absolutely do, and I think everybody can relate to that.

Jodi: The two of you came into this date, both knowing a lot about each other, but not sharing with the other that you knew a lot about each other.

Lexi: I don’t think we talked about the depth of our Google stalking, but we certainly did share a laugh about it on subsequent dates, I should say.

Jodi: Okay. You have discovered that this man is extraordinarily selfless. He’s touched your heart, even though you haven’t even met him yet. How did the two of you get in contact and what was the first interaction like with him?

Lexi: The matchmaker asked me if she could break tradition and have him contact me directly. Now normally they don’t do that. I said, “Yeah, have him call me.” We had a great first conversation, and actually it was his “Kidney-versary.” It was the first year anniversary of when he gave the kidney. I think he might’ve brought it up, but I thought that was kind of a cool thing. We had a great talk on the phone, and he told me that he would like to take me out for drinks. I didn’t want to go out for drinks. I wanted to go out to dinner. I paid the matchmaker a lot of money. You’re not taking me out for drinks. I am a great conversationalist. I’m attractive. I deserve more than drinks.

Jodi: You said all that to him, yes?

Lexi: I didn’t say it in those words. He was definitely taken aback, but I said, “Yeah, you’re taking me out to dinner.”

Jodi: Okay.

Lexi: Normally, I’m not pushy like that, but I just felt like I had been going on dates, not with the matchmaker’s guys, but with other guys. I would have them take me to a nice dinner, especially if they had a pretty decent job. I would say, “Yeah, take me to dinner.”

That did catch him a little off guard, but he agreed. We decided that we would go get sushi, which is something that we both enjoy eating. He asked if he could pick me up. Now I know that you should not get into the vehicle of a stranger. However, he’d been quasi-screened by the firm. He gave his kidney to somebody. He’s not going to be an ax murderer, right?

Jodi: Right.

Lexi: I liked him on the phone and I thought, “Okay.” So I let him pick me up, but not upstairs at my apartment. I met him downstairs. But yeah, I wanted to go on a real date, and have the guy pick me up.

Jodi: Excellent. Were you nervous at all that you were letting him come to where you lived, and that he would know where to find you?

Lexi: No. I lived in a giant apartment building and it was a secure building. No, I wasn’t nervous about that. I think at a certain age, I think all your listeners would agree, you have a sense about the kind of warning signs go off when you sense danger or something doesn’t seem right. I felt okay about it.

Jodi: How were you feeling then before he shows up to pick you up?

Lexi: I was super excited!

Jodi: Do you remember what you wore?

Lexi: I do. I had on my really attractive dress. I believe wearing a dress on a first date is something that is feminine, which I did, and I’m sure I curled my hair and I was just myself. I’m sure I had on heels, but not four-inch hills, probably two-and-a-half inch hills.

Jodi: Where did the two of you physically meet?

Lexi: He had called me and told me he was downstairs. So I came downstairs and I walked outside. He was standing outside of his car wearing a sports coat and I took one look at him and, oh, he was so handsome, a handsome devil, and I thought, “Oh! I know who this guy is. This guy is the ringer. This is the guy they call up and they send on the dates with the women that they cannot get a date for.”

Now I have an active imagination and I tend to tell myself stories. It all flashed before my eyes. Okay, this guy is too good to be true. He’s the guy once in a while they send him out with these women who they can’t place, and we are going to have a wonderful date, and the next day I will call the matchmaker to check in and she will ask me, “So Lexi, how did the date go?”

And I will tell her, “Oh, we hit it off so much and he was so handsome and we have so much in common and I can’t wait to see him again. What did he think of me?” And then the shoe will drop. “Well, Lexi, Sam had a lovely time with you and he thought that you were very interesting, but he just didn’t feel that spark.” So that’s what played out in my head.

Jodi: That played out in your head? Standing there, looking beautiful, feeling great, this whole story just ran through your head?

Lexi: He was too good looking! There was just no way. I mean, to give your kidney to someone and be that good looking? Yes. We went on the date and the whole time we’re on the date I’m thinking that too.

Jodi: Could you be yourself if you were thinking about that?

Lexi: I could be myself because there was the off chance that he wasn’t the ringer.

Jodi: Right.

Lexi: We went for sushi and we’re having sushi at a nice restaurant. He asked me, “So how many of these dates have you been on?” And I said, “One, you’re my first one.” And I said, “How many have you been on?” And I’m like, “Oh God, here it comes!” And he has said, “One, you’re my first one.” I thought, “Oh!” And then I told him, “I thought you were the ringer.” And I told him the whole thing, and he laughed. And of course he was so flattered. But no, he was the real deal.

Jodi: How did things change for you when you came to realize that this was completely authentic and he was there to be with you to see if the two of you had a potential connection?

Lexi: Oh, I was giddy and happy and excited! I just couldn’t believe it!

Jodi: The two of you are at sushi, and you’re having a great time. You have had this discovery that he is not the ringer. He is there for you! He is enjoying getting to know you. What happened next?

Lexi: He asked if I wanted to go out for coffee, which I did. So we went to a cute little kind of iconic touristy place. But sometimes you want to be a tourist in your own city. So we went there and had coffee and it was really nice. I think we both didn’t want the date to end.

Jodi: Fabulous! How did you feel when you were out at that coffee place together, drinking and spending more time with him?

Lexi: Well, I felt that I was getting my money’s worth. Like I was getting my money’s worth from the matchmaker. Like, “Okay, they really nailed this one. They got this one right.” And I was hoping that he liked me as much as I liked him.

Jodi: Did the two of you kiss at any point during the date?

Lexi: Yes. There was a good night kiss. It was nothing too crazy or too passionate, but it was something where like, “Oh, I know there would be a second date there.”

Jodi: How long did the date last?

Lexi: It probably lasted five hours or so.

Jodi: Did you go somewhere else after coffee?

Lexi: No. I had him take me home.

Jodi: And how was the goodbye when he dropped you off?

Lexi: There was the kiss and he said, “I think this thing has wheels,” and that’s when I was so excited! “Wow. He’s thinking what I’m thinking,” like this could be the right person.

Jodi: When you said goodbye to him, do you remember what you did next? Did you immediately call or text a girlfriend?

Lexi: No, I didn’t do either of those things. He texted me later that night. It said, all capital letters, “BFDE,” and I knew exactly what it stood for, “Best First Date Ever.” I’m a word person. I just got that acronym and I was so happy and I agreed and that was on a Sunday.

Then he asked me out the next day for a Tuesday, for the following Tuesday, and his text said, “Are you adventurous?” And I was so excited, right? Yes, I am adventurous, “And yes, I am adventurous!!!” Three exclamation marks. “What did you have in mind?” And he said, “Go cart racing.” And I was so excited. Because that’s exactly…like I said, I’m a teenager inside and that’s exactly the type of things that I love to do. So that was our second date.

Jodi: What a fun second date. And I love BFDE. That’s awesome! So fill us in about the rest of the story. What’s been happening with you and Sam since that first and second date?

Lexi: Gosh. Okay. Fast forward, we’re on our third year together. We now live in a beach side community and we’re so happy here. He always says, “I have the vision.” He swings the hammer, and we have just built a great home and we have a nice life together. He’s our social director.

You know, I can’t complain. I’m going to tell you when you’re my age, the most important thing is a guy that loves you, cherishes you, and can fix things. (Laughter)

Jodi: I love it! I am ecstatic for you. I really am. You laid out what you were looking for and you looked for a good long time and you really stayed in the game, got lazy at times, like you said, but you knew what you wanted and you were able to find that person.

Lexi: Yes. I always say that matchmaker had it really easy because she only sent me on one date.

Jodi: Yes.

Lexi: But hey, he was worth every cent. He is priceless.

Jodi: Looking back, what did you learn from the experience? You’ve shared a lot, but I’m curious if you have other takeaways that you would like to impart on our listeners before we close out our conversation.

Lexi: I think what I learned is the things that are important in our midlife aren’t always the things that are important in our young life. I never realized how important it was to have a guy that can fix things and paint things and build things until I bought a big house. And now that I have somebody who can do all that, oh my gosh, and they take such pride in it! That’s really important. So that’s what I learned.

Jodi: I thank you so much for being on the show and being my guest this episode.

Lexi: My pleasure. It was fun to relive all of this and go down memory lane.

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