How Are You Still Single?

What should I say when someone asks me that awful question, “How are you still single?” – Tina

Well, that depends on who’s asking. Is it a friend or family member? Or is the dreaded question of “how are you still single” coming from a date who is also single? Your response is going to also depend on how you are feeling about that question at the time it is asked.

Here is some inside information to help you tackle the question. It’s the “80/20 Relationship Rule.” Generally, when people are asking you personal questions, it has 80% to do with them–their personal issues and biases–and really only 20% to do with you. Some of my clients feel bad, get angry and find it hard not to take this question personally. They conclude that there’s something wrong with them. But that’s just not true.

Many of my clients realize that they have focused most of their attention on their careers and thought that” it” would just happen like it did with their parents. Now they realize that we’re living in a different time and people don’t date and get married for the same reasons that they used to.

People used to date for security, status, partnership and children, not necessarily in that order. Now singles don’t necessary need those things to have a good, full life. They may want partnership, but not necessarily children. So, it is a more complicated question and answer, and we are all figuring out this new landscape.

Seven Suggestions

Here are seven suggested responses for you to use depending on your circumstances.:

  1. I’m just figuring out that I now want to be in a relationship and am working on finding a good partnership.
  2. I’m not ready to be in a relationship and have been enjoying my single life and the freedom it provides me.
  3. I could ask you the same thing! (Consider using this response if it’s your date who’s asking. Or you can smile and say nothing.)
  4. What’s wrong with being single?
  5. Because I haven’t met anyone who feels better than being solo/being single.
  6. I have learned to love being alone with all the freedom and leisure time it affords me.
  7. I’m a good catch and I just haven’t met my match yet!

Pick one, or make up your own. Just know that you are “okay” where ever you are! Giving yourself space and time to figure out what you want and need in your life and your partner, is half the battle. Allow yourself to live your best life with, or without, a partner!

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